I may have to start applying myself....

So school has been wonderful. Surprisingly, I am excelling in most of my classes. I just finished midterm week and feel confident that I did well on my exams. I got an email the other day from the director of the Honors Program for English at CSUN and was informed that one of my professors recommended me. Needless to say, I was thrilled. Sergio and I have decided to go forth and embrace this program. This means my classes will be harder, but the reward much greater. And this means no more coasting. I'm realizing that to maintain a good GPA, I'll actually have to apply myself now.

I really want to make something clear to anyone that may be reading this. I do NOT revel in the fact that I have yet to really apply myself to my academics. Perhaps at one point, I felt proud that despite my unwillingness to study for a respectable amount of time I was able to get at least a B and the occasional A. But, I realize now how much time I wasted. How much potential was untapped. Most of all, I realize how sinful my laziness was. All this is not because I feel that my "talent" (to which I really have no claim anyway, as it is a display of God's grace) has gone unused to ensure for myself a better future. No. Not this at all. My real regret is that when it came to my studies, I did not do as it is commanded in 1 Corinthians 10:31. It reads, "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." With a heavy heart, I know that I did not pursue my studies to and for the glory of God.

Again, my regret for my failure to do this is not because I realize that I could've gone to a more reputable university and met the right people. This may be true but this isn't my goal. My gifts are just that: gifts. They are all gracious endowments of the Lord for HIM to use as he pleases and for HIS purposes. I allowed my laziness to stifle the exercise of the Lord's work. So my regret isn't that my life could have been "better" than it is now, (which is pretty tough to beat as it is because I have a wonderful life). It is that I didn't desire to use my gifts for the honor and exaltation of the Lord. It is that I could have used any "successes" as evidence for God's goodness.

But I know that God works everything out for good for HIS purposes. Perhaps I needed this regret to better serve him. Perhaps if I had been diligent in my studies before, it would have surmounted to pride and arrogance in my abilities and not in the boasting of God's mercy and love. Perhaps it would've taken me longer to realize the above-mentioned truths. But we can't live in the realm of "maybes." We can only move forward with the wisdom given and seek to glorify him in whatever we do from today, onward.

All this is to say: I'm going to grad school.
And! May God be glorified in it, and may I be made more humble and insignificant in light of his glory.