My Prayers Lately

This is kind of an extension in realization from my last posts. I won't go into too much detail for various reasons. The most significant (and probably wisest) reason for my ambiguity is the reality that nothing is certain yet. I decided to write this post because someone who is going through similar lessons might find it helpful (only by God's grace because I'm sure the frailty of my depraved humanity will shine through). Mostly, my motivation today is to ask for prayers from the saints.

In my last post, I alluded to a couple of disappointments. Well, for the last week and a half, I've been experiencing physical wonkiness (for lack of a better term). After doing some research on the symptoms, I came to the conviction that they are cause for slight concern.

Please note: it's probably nothing.

But, if it's something. It's something not good.

I realize that there's no sense in getting worked up when I don't know exactly what is going on. It's foolish to assume the worst and react accordingly.

With that said, I cried a lot yesterday. :)
But only some of it was out of foolishness.

At first, my tears were motivated by fear. By a kindness more powerful than the potential of my comprehension, the fear of circumstance was short lived. The tears that flowed thereafter were part of a spiritual experience. It was out of peaceful reverent fear of a sovereign creator and maintainer of all things.

I've been meditating on a couple of things.

First is this scripture:

Working together with him, then, we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain. For he says,

"In a favorable time I listened to you, and in a day of salvation I have helped you."

Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation. We put no obstacle in anyone's way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; by truthful speech and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything."

I came to a place that acknowledges that I have nothing to offer, but a life lived in love with my Lord. I may not have health (and I definitely have no wealth), and yet, I am richer than Kings in the hope of Christ and my well-being is secured in eternity.

It's really weird to be sad for circumstance and at the same time not at all angry/discouraged over circumstance, but rather full of assurance and joy to be within the pre-ordained plan of a heavenly Father and rest assured in His faithfulness to work everything out for our good. If you've never cried uncontrollably because you were both sad and overflowing with joy and thankfulness, I highly recommend you embrace any opportunity to do so. It's cleansing.

I've read more Valley of Vision prayers in the last day and a half than ever before. This one struck me and so I'll leave you with this.

Man A Nothing

O Lord,

I am a shell full of dust,

but animated with an invisible rational soul

and made anew by an unseen power of grace;

Yet I am no rare object of valuable price,

but one that has nothing and is nothing,

although chosen of thee from eternity,

given to Christ, and born again;

I am deeply convinced

of evil and misery of a sinful state,

of the vanity of creatures,

but also of the sufficiency of Christ.

When thou wouldst guide me I control myself,

When thou wouldst be sovereign I rule myself.

When thou wouldst take care of me I suffice myself.

When I should depend on thy providings I supply myself,

When I should submit to thy providence I follow my will,

When I should study, love, honour, trust thee, I serve myself;

I fault and correct thy laws to suit myself,

Instead of thee I look to a man's approbation,

and am by nature an idolater.

Lord, it is my chief design to bring my heart back to thee.

Convince me that I cannot be my own God,

or make myself happy,

nor my own Christ to restore my joy,

nor my own Spirit to teach, guide, rule me.

Help me to see that grace does this providential affliction

for when my credit is good thou dost cast me lower,

when riches are my idol thou dost wing them away,

when pleasure is my all thou dost turn it into bitterness.

Take away my roving eye, curious ear, greedy appetite, lustful heart;

show me that none of these things

can heal a wounded conscience,

or support a tottering frame

or uphold a departing spirit.

then take me to the cross

and leave me there.