Showing posts with label Child-ing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Child-ing. Show all posts

Monday, October 28, 2013

My New Job

I really don't know how long this post will be. It's 11 pm. I don't feel like sleeping, which I should do, or taking a shower, which I should also do. My husband is burning the midnight oil, diligently studying some foreign language. Probably Hebrew. My son has been asleep for the last three hours. I know I'm going to have to wake up in about 4 hours to change his diaper, so I should be getting to bed as soon as possible, but there's just something in me that won't allow it.

"How do you like being a mom?" I feel like I've been asked that a lot lately. I usually say something like, "I love it!" or "It's fantastic." They feel like such generic responses, but I genuinely do love it, and it genuinely is fantastic! I don't know that any woman has ever answered that question any other way. Things have gotten much easier than in the early weeks. Cal is on a great schedule that works with our daily routines. Between my mom and mother-in-law, I have babysitting available 24/7. He's sleeping about 10-11 hours through the night (minus a routine diaper change in the middle and the occasional pacifier demand). And he's cuter than I had predicted him to be!

He has started to laugh a lot. He's happy to see me each morning when I come to his crib to greet him. He loves watching Veggie Tales (for about 20 minutes. He's still just a baby.) He has started to show the early stages of teething. He's still cute even when he drools! How is that possible?! He has started to respond to instruction. That's one of the coolest things of all!



As great as all of these things are, they are not exclusively what makes me love my new role as "Mommy." You know what I love most about being a mom? The influence. I get this person for about two decades to instruct, raise, shape and influence. No one else can do what I do for this little guy. I have been given the opportunity to share my life and give of myself to a tiny person who needs everything done for him. Sometimes, I get to receive a toothless grin as payment for services rendered. Later, I get to set a foundation on which he gets to grow -- a foundation that will be with him for the rest of his life! I get to love him. I get to be the first person he loves! That blows my mind away! Sergio and I get to be the first example of the love between man and wife to him. I get to be the first example of Christ's love to people. No one else can do those things for him like I can.

There can be nothing more fulfilling or rewarding than motherhood. I refuse to believe there is. With that said, I'm so thankful that I have the opportunity to do it full-time without the demands of another job. Given this job's importance, endless demands, and my unique giftedness to meet them, why would I want to be anywhere else but home? There's very little out there that requires more of a sacrifice. But there's also nothing out there that offers a reward that even pales in comparison to the glorious rewards of motherhood.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

My Adventures in Motherhood and Some Words for Moms-to-be.

My darling boy is six weeks old. It is surreal to think that I have been a mother for over a month. These last few weeks have been filled with all kinds of emotions that I'd rather not admit to. I have felt overwhelmed, anxious, and weary. There have been times when I have been overcome by fear (usually irrational), or felt hopelessly helpless as desperate cries of despair fill my ears. There have been times that - because of unintentional words or circumstances - I have felt like a bad mother. And there have been times that I questioned whether or not my son even liked me.

To all mothers-to-be, those first few weeks are hard. Very hard. So many emotions cloud your judgment and it's not surprising that even some of the godliest of women struggle against post-partum depression. If you're reading this and are pregnant, be aware of the trials ahead. If you are a brand new mom experiencing this, I can relate and trust me, it does get better.

I've come to appreciate certain truths that have sustained me through this trying time. Firstly, knowing that my task of raising this adorable little boy is given by God specifically and purposefully to me has been encouraging. It has been easy for my mind to lend itself to thoughts that perhaps other women are better equipped to be mothers than me or even thoughts that I'm a subpar mother. But, considering my commitment to be faithful and obedient to God's instructions, I know that there is no other mother better suited for Calvin than me. Yes, I'm not as experienced as some women may be, and I often doubt my abilities, but I need to trust that God knew what He was doing when he gave me Calvin and when he gave Calvin me. He needs me. He doesn't need me plus grandmothers (although they are super helpful and truly blessings from the Lord). He doesn't need me plus other women. He doesn't need me plus other family members. He needs me as a mother and Sergio as a father. And nothing else. And Sergio and I need grace (and tons of it).

Secondly, I have a new appreciation for a dependence on the sovereign will of God. Of course I want to be diligent in my obedience to God as I raise my son, but using my best judgment in whether or not to establish a strict feeding and sleeping schedule will not matter in the long run. (The long run meaning Calvin's adulthood). Decisions like that are completely within my discretion and knowing that God's will will be done, reassures my heart. I can't screw up God's will for us when I pursue wisdom and His glory. That's settling.

Lastly, it's helpful to remember that I - and no one else - will be accountable for Calvin. New moms get loads (LOADS) of well-meaning (and sometimes pushy) advice from every direction. When you're in an already emotional state questioning whether or not your son has some deep-seeded disdain for you, it's really easy to take that advice and put too much stock in it. It's easy to second-guess decisions you've already carefully thought out because you feel pressured to not ruin your child's psychological development by letting him cry himself to sleep once in a while -- even when you know he can. But when I remind myself that I (I! Not so-and-so) am going to have to give an account for what I decided to do for and with my child, it helps to trust my gut.

Besides marriage, this has been the greatest journey. Yes I have been tired. And yes, I have struggled with grumpiness and irritation. And yes, I have been jealous of those who were able to shower on any given day. But my son's face, the way he looks at me when he's fighting naps, the way he grabs my fingers while I'm feeding him, the way his head bobbles when Sergio burps him, the way his mouth stays open when he's falling asleep to a feeding, the way he cries sometimes (he says, "ah-la!"), it makes my days full of joy and purpose. Being a mom is the greatest feeling and occupation in the world. It really is. There is nothing I'd rather do.



I just want to close with this considering I know a lot of women who are pregnant with their first babies. Please let me encourage you in the following ways:

-- Seek the Lord and His wisdom throughout all you decide for your children.
-- Submit to the leadership of your husbands. (Just because you are suddenly endowed with a mother's instinct, does not justify contradicting the leadership God has placed over you. Besides, you'll find that they are generally more clueless than you and will usually defer to your judgment anyway).
-- Ask for the opinions of those your respect, and politely listen to the opinions of those who like to give it a bit too eagerly, but rely on your own filter of all those opinions.
-- Sing hymns to your baby. You'll find you're singing them to yourself too.
-- Consider long term goals when you make little decisions.
-- Do not neglect the relationship with your husband. The best thing you can do for your baby is to have a strong, vibrant, happy marriage.
-- Don't overlook or underestimate how well you know YOUR baby. The best advice may not be applicable for YOUR baby, and so don't feel bad when you've tried something that didn't pan out.
-- Don't focus on how unattractive you feel. That too shall pass. And besides, you're a mom now. There is a whole new beauty that comes with that.
-- Remember that your baby won't remember the times that his/her crying was your fault.
-- Pray more for wisdom and grace than for anything else (including sleep -- though you will definitely be praying for that too).

I'm sure there are tons more. But, I don't want to be one of those people that are "too eager" to give counsel. :)

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Best Fourth of July Ever

On July 4th, 2013 our son, Calvin Peter Orozco was born.



He was born in Glendale on Thursday, July 4th at 9:43 am. He weighed 7lbs 15oz and measured at 22 inches long.

I'm in love.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Preparing for Calvin: Part Three; Prayers for the Hearts of my Husband and my Son

Thankfully, now we are logistically prepared for the arrival of our first child. The car seat is in the car, the crib is assembled, and his closet is organized and diapers are handy. See, we're not that negligent. But one day after his due date, Calvin is still comfortably mooching off in my womb. We are eager to meet this little boy, but he seems content to make us wait. I guess he's doing this because he knows I still have not finished my series of blog posts. He's so smart!

Well, in the two previous posts, I've explained the ways in which I'm spiritually, mentally and emotionally preparing for the arrival of my son. The first way was through reading. The second way was through prayer. I explained that I bring myself up to the throne of grace often and pray for my own ability to mother him. Well, I also pray for two other people quite regularly.

The first is for Sergio, my husband and Calvin's dad. I'm sure anyone who reads this blog on a somewhat regular basis already knows how I feel about my husband. (He's FANTASTIC!) And I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but I really do love him and admire his character. He's faithful to me and to our covenant bond of marriage in ways in which many people don't even consider.

When a woman has this type of man by her side, it's easy to eagerly want to do what is in his best interest. This desire to serve him plays out differently from day to day, but the best thing I can do for him is pray for him. I do this often. I pray for his safety, for his health, etc. but today, I'm going to talk about how I'm specifically praying for him as we wait to be given a baby to raise.

Firstly, and most importantly, I'm praying for his relationship with the Lord. Before he can be a faithful husband and father, he must be a faithful follower of Christ. A man's relationship before God governs the quality of his relationship to his family and to anyone else. When his relationship to his Savior is tested, frayed, or weakened, it's only a matter of time before his relationship with his wife and his children will be negatively affected. My primary prayer for my husband is that God's grace sustains his faith and confidence in Christ and that He give Sergio the desire, drive, and diligence to continue to pursue Him as his greatest treasure.

Secondly, I'm praying for Sergio to be given abundant wisdom and clarity as to what is required of him as a husband and as a father. The best way for a man to be a great father is to first be a great husband. Nothing gives a child a better sense of security and love than a mother and a father who are wholly committed to the strength of their marriage. Sergio excels in this area. I pray that God continues to give him the grace needed to excel still more. But there also exists the need for wisdom and clarity in God's calling for fathers. At the end of the day, when Sergio comes before God to give an account for his life, the buck stops with him for the state of his household. He will have to give an account for his performance as the head and leader of the household. That is exclusively the role of the husband/father. It can't be a charge that is neglected or taken lightly and I pray that Sergio remains mindful and consistent. I believe he will.

Lastly, I pray for Sergio's biblical convictions to remain strong and for those convictions to be lived out in every area of his life. It's one thing to communicate convictions to children. It's quite another for them to see you cherish them and live them out with joy. I'm praying for Sergio's courage and boldness in this as our society is quickly changing into one that is hostile to many of the convictions we hold. I do not want our children to see us waver out of fear of man or persecution. I want them to see us love our Lord's standards and I want them to see it especially in their father.

The other person I'm praying for is Calvin. Duh! Firstly, I'm praying for Calvin's level of understanding. I know that as his mother, I'll be in the unique position to speak truth into his life more often than any one else - especially in the early years. I'm praying that God gives him a mind that is eager to listen and learn and understand. I pray that he's a little boy who asks a lot of questions, who loves to read, and who knows how to use his imagination skillfully. I pray that he desires to soak up as much knowledge as possible and for a desire to live out the knowledge and truth he does acquire.

The other way I'm praying for Calvin is in the company he keeps. The Lord was very gracious to me in the friends I made throughout my childhood, adolescence, and now adulthood. Not all were necessarily Christian or came from a Christian home, but he spared me from potentially corrupting elements. Children are impressionable and easily swayed. And rarely do they have the wisdom to discern when they are being influenced negatively. In his childhood, I pray that God gives Calvin friendships that would be edifying and that would point him back to Christ. In adolescence, I pray that God shapes and informs his discernment as he makes friends that will have a significant impact on his development into adulthood.

In my own adulthood, the Lord has blessed me with a wealth of godly women friends of all ages from whom to draw wisdom and insight. They have labored with me in prayer over countless issues, spoke into my life, helped me to see God in areas of my life that I was ignoring or neglecting, and have provided nuggets of truth that I often turn to when I'm in sin. I pray that God gives Calvin an army of godly men to surround him in this same way. Also, I pray that God makes Calvin the kind of friend and the kind of man that would edify, challenge, and sharpen other men as iron sharpens iron for the glory of God and the building up of His church.

Lastly, and most importantly, I'm praying for Calvin's salvation. I realize that this prayer really should've been the first mentioned as it dictates the rest. If Calvin is full of biblical knowledge, and knows how to play the part of the Christian, but has never been redeemed through Christ, it's all hypocrisy and he would just be a pharisee. The reason I saved this for last is because I can instill in him a habit of reading and study. I should and I will. I can also instruct him in how to be a good friend and when he's little, I can have authority over the company he keeps. But when it comes to the regeneration of his heart and the salvation of his soul, I can do nothing but pray. Sure, I can teach him what the bible says on the matter - and I will - and I can point to ways to look for evidence of his salvation - and I will. I can even encourage him to search his own heart and question its motives - and I will. But I cannot ensure there any specific conditions in our home that will guarantee his salvation. Nor will any amount of prayer guarantee his salvation. I can only pray for it and trust that the Lord has already decided the final state of his soul.

In one sense, this can be discouraging. Why bother going through all the trouble of raising up a child in a Christian home with Christian standards if there's no guarantee of his eternal security? Raising up a child in this manner requires sacrifice, denial of yourself, and hard labor. But in another, more real sense, it's a relief. My faithfulness to raise my child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is not primarily to ensure a specific outcome for my child: it is an expression of my love and desire for obedience to the Lord that saved me. That love for Him then secures my confidence in that whether he saves my son or not, He will be glorified for eternity. Therefore, my joy in Him not dependent on circumstance, not even the circumstance of my son's eternal security. His glory - not my children's salvation - is my soul's joy and satisfaction.

So, that's how I'm preparing for the newest addition to our family. This is how I will prepare for all subsequent additions, however many that will be. As for now, we patiently (not always as patiently as I ought) await God's blessing and know with a heavy heart that ultimately, this child (just like everything else we have authority over) is not mine. He is the Lord's and I am just a steward until the Lord sees fit to end my stewardship for his purposes.

Just waiting for the labor pains to begin.... :)

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Preparing for Calvin Part Two: Prayer for my Own Heart and Soul

Firstly, I know that this post is long overdue. I had intended to post it so much sooner. It's not that I didn't know what I would write. I've had it all mapped out since the beginning. But I didn't want to write this hastily without contemplation, so I let it stew in my mind for a few days. And then, before you know it, a few more days went by and I still had not written anything. This morning, Sergio along with a few men from our Bible study are at our home having breakfast for a monthly meeting as they go over Al Mohler's book, A Conviction to Lead. I'm at Starbucks and so I thought this would be a great opportunity to finally write what has been on my mind for some of the last week and a half.

In my last entry, I mentioned how we have done little to prepare for baby Calvin practically. That hasn't changed this week. But I mentioned how despite my lack of practical measures taken towards his arrival, I have been vigilant in spiritual preparation.

Firstly, my preparation has taken form in reading. Primarily, reading the Bible is the most beneficial measure of preparedness. Secondly, reading good parenting books by well-learned and Biblically wise people has spoken into my heart as I begin to think about a life of child-rearing.

The second way I'm preparing for Calvin's debut is in prayer.

As sort of a preface, as well as a connecting thought between the two blog posts, though prayer can be seen as a separate point/measure, it actually penetrates into my reading life as well. The reason is that when we're talking about the Bible, it's one thing to read it and it's quite another to read it and allow the Holy Spirit to pierce your soul THROUGH reading it. Reading your Bible for the sake of knowing what it says is nothing beyond a human endeavor. It is independent of divine intervention, and really serves no other purpose beyond an academic one.

To read your Bible for the purpose of allowing it to inform and transform first your heart/affections, then your mind/thought processes, then your life/behaviors is a spiritual endeavor dependent on God the Spirit. It's something that you can't leave up to your own ability. Just try and you'll realize that after a short-lived spiritual "high," all you'll have are vapors and you're running on fumes longing to recapture a subjective and shallow experience in your past. For the Bible to inform your living to the point of change, there must be a complete and vulnerable dependence on the Holy Spirit to complete the task. This is a humbling reality that causes me to come before the throne of grace often to ask for understanding and discernment and rejoice in the fact that God is far more able to provide these than I am to seek them out.

There are three people I'm fervently praying for as I prepare for Calvin. These three people are myself, Sergio, and Calvin. Of course, I'm praying for all who will be in Calvin's life (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, church family, friends), that they would be blessings to him and examples of God's grace to us, but I know that there is a greater need to bring myself, my husband, and my little son up in prayer as I think about the task of raising a child in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

Firstly, I'm praying for myself.
I'm praying for my own spiritual growth
"But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:14-17

The truths of God are food to the regenerated heart. And, like food, we don't reach a point in this life time where we've had enough to live on for an extended period of time. You are always either eating, digesting, or starving. The Christian life is not stagnant. You are either learning, growing, or regressing. My son is going to see that. And children are more observant than I think adults generally give them credit for. I'm not saying I don't anticipate Calvin will see me sin. I know he will. But I want there to be evidence to his heart of a kind and loving God who is growing ALL his children, including his mommy. (Side note: "Mommy"... whoa... weird).

I'm praying for a faithful commitment to my charge of parenting.
"Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Israel was instructed to teach their children diligently, when they sat, when they walked, when they lay down and when they rose. Essentially, taking every opportunity presented to instruct them about their God. I'm not even the parent to a speaking child yet and I already find it easy to dismiss children's inquisitions that I either don't feel like talking about or don't have the answers for. This is so contrary to the principle laid out in Deuteronomy! What a disservice I would do to little Calvin if I didn't look for and seize every opportunity to inform him about Christ, my faith, God's love, and everything else found in the pages of Scripture! No one wants to set their children up for failure. And yet, that's the reality we flirt with when we become haphazard or lackadaisical about diligently teaching and correcting them because of selfish motives.

I'm praying for my own wisdom and patience.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." James 1:2-5 

and

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control..." Galatians 5:22-23

Sergio and I will be parents who spank. I know that spanking is becoming a taboo sin in the eyes of our culture as time goes on. And I partly think that there is good reason for spanking to be viewed as harmful and barbaric. When people vilify spanking, I think that there is a general concept of spanking that they are standing firmly against. The kind of spanking that comes to mind is an enraged mother or father unloading their discontentment or anger on a poor defenseless and confused child who has somehow fallen short of their selfish expectations. And yes, that is horrible! That is NOT the kind of spanking Sergio and I will be doing.

But, our children will know that there are consequences to their actions. Not every time, but sometimes (particularly when their smaller and have less capacity for lectures), those consequences will be spanking. Their spanking will be done in private so as to not shame them in front of others. It will be done as a result of deliberately and sinfully failing to obey Mom or Dad. It will not be done out of anger. If their disobedience particularly angers me, I'll probably have to delay the punishment for a brief period of time to pray, get rid of my pride, and get my heart right before the Lord so that I'm not sinning against Him or my child. Their spanking will be accompanied with an explanation of their offense against the authority God has placed in their lives (Mom and Dad) and consequently, their rebellion against God. It will also be explained that Mom and Dad also have to be obedient to God and other authorities in their lives and that the chastisement is done out of love and a desire for them to learn from mistakes to show that it is better to obey than it is to rebel. Because loving obedience results in blessing. Spanking will be accompanied with affection and it will never be followed by maintained anger or resentment. It will always restore the relationship to the state it was in before the offense was committed because that is its purpose.

When done appropriately, spanking is a wonderful opportunity to display loving correction and ultimately to explain the gospel to little unregenerate hearts that need it so desperately -- regardless of how cute their faces are.

With that said, I'm not so deluded as to believe that I will do this perfectly each time. I'm a sinner. And I know that I will probably spank out of anger sometimes. But I pray to have wisdom in the manner I choose to deal with disobedience, and that I be governed by love and patience for my child, not selfish desires to have my wishes met by my children's behavior, lest I provoke them to anger. If and when I spank wrongly, I pray that I have the humility to seek forgiveness from my children, showing them that I am not above God's standards for life and that I, too, love to be obedient to God.


I feel like this might be enough for one blog post. I had intended to go on to explain how I'm preparing for baby Calvin in how I'm praying for Sergio and for him, but I think I need to save that for another day as well. I apologize! but I didn't realize how much prayer I needed!

So, stay tuned. Next time: how I'm preparing for baby through prayer for Sergio and for Calvin.

Thankful for your partnership in prayer!

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Good News, Everyone

I'm pregnant.

Have a good evening.

Love,
Daniela

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Precious Jesus

It has been a bit since I have last posted. Not a whole lot has been going on lately. I'm finishing up the second to last week before school begins again. I'm more or less completely settled in my new home. And I've begun a new job.

Several weeks ago, I applied for a front desk position at 24 Hour Fitness. I began working last week. Because of my school schedule this semester, I knew that I wouldn't be able to work more than two shifts at the writing center and so I saw that I needed work to supplement the decreased hours. Well, I got that job and they gave me more shifts than I thought I could handle. I am amazed by God's sovereignty and provision. I learned a few days ago that because of California budget issues, jobs as student tutors will no longer be funded at Los Angeles City College. As disappointing as this is, to see the Lord's hand in providing enough work for me before I even knew I needed it has been an encouragement beyond words. This is just more evidence of God's faithfulness through Christ. I'm reminded of the lyrics of a familiar hymn

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
And to take Him at His word
Just to rest upon His promise
And to know "Thus says the Lord!"

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er.
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
O for grace to trust Him more!


Like I said earlier, school starts soon. August 29th to be exact. I'm trying to enjoy the time left, but am finding that in this pursuit, it's so easy to give into laziness. Blogging is a good way to combat this. It gives me something to do. It gives me opportunity to exercise my writing muscles (which will come in handy in a few weeks). And it gives me things to think about or study.

Just as a few weeks ago, I had the topic of legalism on my mind, I have had a new topic on my mind: the innocence of Satan. By this, I mean that I feel like Satan, though more guilty than measurable by any human standards, gets blamed for more than he actually does. Instead of taking personal responsibility for our own depravity and sinfulness, many believers like to pull out the "enemy" card and use the devil as a scapegoat for our own natural proclivity to love our sin. "The enemy is the reason my son has rejected Christ," to me, seems to be heard more often than, "My son, by nature, is an unrepentant lover of his sin, and the wisdom of God is foolishness to him." So hopefully by the end of the week, that blog post will be up.


I think that I have pretty much adjusted to our new home. It was really never difficult. I love my in-laws so much and they have been so gracious to Sergio and myself. They have gone out of their way to make sure we were comfortable and afforded every convenience. I love our dog, Paxton.



I think most of all, I love seeing Sergio with his little sisters or niece. He is so good with the girls, it fills me with joy.




This is Cindy. The young female version of Sergio with twice his humor.






He's going to be such a great dad one day. I am so blessed! :)

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Most Important Job

I had been counting down for several days on Facebook and Twitter for this past weekend. The Resolved Conference 2011 has now come and gone. It's so hard to believe. Unfortunately, the blog post pertaining to this will have to wait for tomorrow. There are several blogs I wish to write, but to take on the task of combining them all into one long, hard-to-sit-through blog seems unreasonable. So the blogs you can be on the look out for over the next few days include (but may not be limited to):

The Resolved Conference
An Upcoming Move for the Orozco's
Doctrine/Theology
Sin

To my Facebook friends, you can see why I said I was beat! All those topics have been occupying large rooms in my head and heart over the last few days (DAYS!). But for now, this blog will be about the first three days of our week away, but more specifically about our take-away from them.

This last week has been somewhat of a tumultuous experience for me and Sergio. We have both had opportunity to deny ourselves individually for the sake of the other, and the opportunity to deny ourselves as a couple for the sake of the Kingdom of God. I guess I'll start from the beginning.

We were invited to join a family from our fellowship group of Grace Community Church on their camping trip. This family, the Morice's, have been a beacon of Christ-centeredness to us for the several weeks that we've had the privilege of knowing them. Alex and Jane came to our apartment for dinner a while ago and I think we can honestly say that they were two of the most impacting dinner guests we've ever had the blessing to host. Immediately, they displayed love and graciousness and were eager to make the time meaningful and centered on the purpose of building one another up in the faith. They challenged us to carefully examine areas of our lives in which we had become complacent, not for the intention of conforming us to any particular conviction necessarily, but to be committed to knowing and being clear of the motives behind the decisions we make.

So after some preparation, Sergio and I left on Tuesday morning with the Morice's to Lake Sabrina (pronounced Sah-brye-nah - that's important to the locals, it seems) for a few days of fishing and relishing in the beauty of creation. It was indeed beautiful. (And of course, I forgot to bring my camera with me to the coffee shop that I am currently sitting in). The three days we were there was out of my comfort zone. I'm a city girl through and through. I'm spoiled with the luxuries I have been afforded, and I know it. So these few days, being devoid of running water of any kind, were definitely opportunities for me to realize that I do live a pampered existence.

I'm one of those people who need to shower every morning (and depending on the day, sometimes again in the evening) if I'm to feel comfortable. I very intentionally used that word: "comfortable." I need to be reminded (and often) that my joy cannot be dependent on comforts. In every situation, the Lord's abundant grace is more than sufficient for me: What a foundation for joy!

I know what you're thinking, "So you miss a shower for a couple of days, what's the big deal?" I have very (very) oily skin and scalp. So for most people, by the third day of not washing their hair, their roots would be oily right? Well, by the third day, all but the last inch or two of ALL my hair was covered in oil. Charming. I don't want this to be read as complaining because that's the furthest thing from my mind for this reason: those few days were some of the most evident portrayals of Godly living by an entire family unit and Sergio and I feel that we had been given a treasure to experience that.

Alex and Jane have three adolescent children. Troy, Clint, and Lacey were some of the most darling teenagers I've ever met. They all play instruments, are kind and generous, and are respectful and honor their parents. I say all this not with the intention to solely credit Alex and Jane for the hard work they invested in their children, although that is evident. I say this to point to their motivation for raising their children to fear the Lord: it pleases God for Christians to raise their children in Christ-likeness. Everything about a Christian's life should radiate Christ. This includes the upbringing of children.

Here's why it was a blessing for Sergio and me to see this. Neither one of us was brought up to fear the Lord. Sergio was brought up in an apathetically catholic home with little mention of the glories of God. While I was raised in a Christian home, I would say I was brought up to be a "christian" in the moralistic sense. What I mean is that I was taken to church regularly, encouraged to pray, be kind to others, respect my elders, and be obedient because "that's what Christians do." Is this what Christian children do? Yes. Well, at least, they should. But all other children should do these too. Except for the regular church attendance, and prayer before all meals, little distinguished my upbringing from that of any other attentive and well-meaning parents. I don't remember being challenged spiritually, being instructed to examine the depravity of my human heart, or be comforted with the saving truth of the gospel. I'm not saying these things never happened in my home. But I can say with honesty that they didn't happen regularly enough to leave anything close to a lasting impression.

I don't want to appear ungrateful to my parents. In their behavior, they displayed the characteristics of regenerated believers. My father loved (and still very much loves) my mother with a sacrificial heart and aims to live with her in an understanding way as prescribed by Ephesians 5. And my mother serves my dad graciously and willingly daily. She takes her relationship with him seriously as her highest priority in this life. For those examples, thank you so much, Mom and Dad.

And thank you for taking me to Grace church regularly as the manifestation of your desires to seek the Lord. That I was placed in a God-exalting and scripture-saturated church before birth is one of the greatest evidences of God's sovereignty in my life.

Sergio and I were so encouraged by Alex and Jane's example in their faithfulness to raise children according to biblical instruction. We're so excited for the day the Lord wills to bless us with that opportunity. We're also blessed to be in a church where examples like Alex and Jane are not rare or far in between. We love watching Matt and Nelly Feldi raise their children, Obie and Micaela this way as well. I've had the joy to observe our pastor's wife, Katherine Rourke be a super great and godly mom to her FOUR children!

All these examples serve as a testimony to the goodness and grace of God and are ultimately for his glory.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

"But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus." 2 Timothy 3:14-15

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Disneyland

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to go to Disneyland with two of my favorite ladies! My two cousins, Isabel and Esther, are the closest things to sisters I'm ever going to get and I had a BLAST with them at Disneyland and California Adventure yesterday! My aunts Nella and Narcisa graciously paid for our tickets and food to go. The best thing about it was that for Esther, it was a total surprise. She was operating under the assumption that we were just going shopping. When we got off at Disneyland Way "in search of a starbucks," and sprung it on her that we were actually going to Disneyland, it actually took some convincing before she allowed herself to get excited.

The excitement didn't last long as soon as she realized that she had a fear of roller coasters. But we went and throughout the day, she overcame a couple of those fears braving the frightening realities of rides like Indiana Jones and the Hollywood Tower of Terror. We enjoyed each others' company, the terribly unhealthy food, the countless miles worth of walking, and the shamelessly cliched reliving of our childhoods.

Every time I go to Disneyland, I'm reminded of how much I just love it. Despite its corporate America price gouging, it really is a magical place. (And I say that without the slightest hint of sarcasm. - Ok. Maybe the SLIGHTEST bit, but I digress). I really believe that there are certain elements of childhood that you can't fully appreciate and enjoy until you're an adult. I think that once you realize that childhood really isn't innocent or pure, but really just ignorant, you can enjoy the silliness, goofiness, and the delight that is also associated with childhood, but as purely as possible. It's really the only time I feel like I experience the "best of both the worlds of childhood and adulthood." I could deconstruct that further, but I think that would actually be a regression to the paradigm I'm trying to promote. So instead, I'm just going to love it, enjoy it, and praise God for it!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Alice: A Child's Adventures in Childhood


The following is the paper I submitted as my analysis of childhood displayed in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I propose that innocence in childhood is a fabricated relationship. I don't think that blogspot will allow me to indent, but I think the paragraph breaks are clear enough. Enjoy.



A Child's Adventures in Childhood

Most cultures espouse innocence with the childhood age bracket. The corruption of youth is a common worry of parents who feel that the maintenance of this innocence is their duty to protect. While this protection is primarily protection from physical harm, as an infant transcends into a childhood age, parents seem determined to shelter them from the corruption of the evils of the world to prolong an assumed state of undefiled purity of mind. In the opening poem to Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Carroll gives us no indication of the necessity of associating innocence with childhood. In fact, as he describes his boat ride with the three Liddell sisters, whom he has endearingly named the, “cruel Three” (7), he describes their bold and audacious demands of his narration. It reads:

Imperious Prima flashes forth

Her edict 'to begin it' –

In gentler tone Secunda hopes

'There will be nonsense in it!' –

While Tertia interrupts the tale

Not more than once a minute. (13-18)

Such boldness is acceptable in childhood as it cultivates creativity and playfulness. In fact, it seems that childhood is quite dull without it. This audacity is necessary for good story-telling and enjoyable games of pretend, but it isn't looked on fondly in adulthood. As we follow Alice in her journey through a land in which she finds herself after haphazardly falling into a rabbit hole in pursuit of the unknown, we encounter an environment that is devoid of familiar logic and the validity of parental worry of corruption is put under a new light. This new environment brings out the essence of childhood in Alice. The strange situations, unfulfilled expectations, and the overall state of confusion drive Alice to react without tact or restraint. This gives us insight into the nature of her rudeness, impatience, search for identity, and her preoccupation with how she is viewed in the eyes of others. We very rarely see any signs of undefiled goodness, politeness, kindness, or desire to obey. The customs of Victorian England only serve to mask her natural flaw and selfish drive. In this timeless story of whimsy, we get a sense that this perception of child sinlessness is, like Wonderland itself, an illusion.

A representative of the child, Alice, like everyone else, is in pursuit of happiness. Thus far, however, the methods to facilitate this pursuit are limited to her. She reacts on whim and without forethought. This is most applicably seen in her initial pursuit of the White Rabbit. “...and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge. In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again” (12). It is in her eager willingness and fearless curiosity that she chases the White Rabbit down into Wonderland. Not only does the narrator give no indication of inhibition or consideration on her part, he intentionally informs the reader that absolutely and undoubtedly no thought concerning caution that might have been invested into such a decision was put forth. Her immediate reactions indicate her state of mind. She still hasn't learned to process and weigh out the ramifications of her actions carefully. Coming from a society of customs, however, Alice understands that there are limitations to her speech and conduct, but still isn't completely comfortable in engaging as an active member in a society. This gives cause to consider childhood as a veil thinly masking the understanding of the reason for the customs in place. Children know that there are certain things that are permissible and certain things that are not. They're not necessarily sure why or which is which, but they are aware of the existence of the rule. Behaving in a manner innate to their nature is what is practiced, but the response that behavior gets determines whether it is acceptable behavior for the circumstance or whether they need to adapt it to receive a response more in their favor. At the beginning of the story, this is still a new application for Alice who is clearly living in the speak-first-think-later state of childhood. During her conversations with the mouse, she repeatedly allows the mention of her cat slip only to frighten away and offend the mouse causing him to leave during his narrative. When the birds in the group ask her who Dinah is, her lack of restraint indicate that she still hasn't learned the lesson of discernment. She says, “'Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for catching mice...And oh! I wish you could see her after the birds! Why, she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!'” (40). The narrator tells us the effects of her exclamation. As she should have expected, “On various pretexts, they all moved off and Alice was soon left alone” (40). Innocence would require an individual to be ignorant of the institution of etiquette, and yet still naturally adhere to its standards of beauty and goodness. Here, childhood is not portrayed as the innocent and angelic stage of life in which things are simple and pure. It is the training ground for producing individuals that adhere to a set of social expectations and does well to educate them on the consequences of not fitting into a society.

As childhood becomes an atmosphere characterized by trial and error in which the consequences of errors are being outcast from the rest of society, the world – and for Alice, Wonderland – becomes a very confusing and frightening place. Like Alice in Wonderland, children find that very few things about the adult world make sense to them. Children then begin to utilize what little knowledge they have. It is important to understand, however, that this knowledge is not inherent comprehension, but rather acquired understanding attained from the observation of adults and the trial and error on the part of the children previously mentioned. Because children live within the confines of their imaginations until they begin their interactions with adults, logic and reason are learned behaviors necessary for the proper assimilation into a society that caters to grown men and women. As she travels through Wonderland, Alice has to adjust and reshape her preconceived notions of logic and reason to accommodate the “logic” of Wonderland. She often finds that her logic doesn't hold up to the standards of Wonderland and even do her a disservice. The most poignant example of different levels of logic can be found in her dialogue with the Cheshire Cat in the chapter, “Pig and Pepper.” Upon asking the Cheshire Cat which way she ought to go, he tells her that it depends entirely on where she wants to end up. To this she replies, “I don't much care where,” to which he logically, but still to little help replies, “Then it doesn't matter which way you go” (76). When Alice informs the Cheshire Cat that she does not wish to go among mad people, he responds, “Oh you can't help that...we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad...You must be...or you wouldn't have come here” (77). It is in this transaction that we see Alice's inability to reason in Wonderland. Her understanding of common sense has very little resemblance to theirs. This seems to comment on the relationship between children and adults. It indicates that adults view the logic of children as muddled and disorganized and children see adult logic as unnecessarily perplexing. Though the logic of a child might be viewed as idyllic and pure, the reality is that it is rigid and limiting: the less experience they have, the more stringent their reasoning abilities are. As a children and Alice grow, however, their logic becomes more malleable as they sacrifice the wonderment of the imagination and pretend for a world that is more tangible and visible. Alice politely entertains the idea presented by the Mock Turtle regarding the lessening of the lessons and fires back the very logical question, “And how did you manage on the twelfth?” (118). She does not challenge the Mock Turtle's credibility. She merely asked a question that would logically follow his account, even in Wonderland. His lack of response indicates the adult tendency to ignore reasonable questions asked by maturing children for which they have no answer.

Once Alice realizes that it might be to her benefit to begin implementing proper social English cues, she tries to apply them to Wonderland where they often don't work. This is met with frustration and disheartening. In her confused state, she finds that applying different approaches that she feels should result in her favor to certain situations often have the opposite effect. This shatters her confidence in the knowledge she believed to have acquired. This gives cause to consider children as vulnerable and emotional individuals who begin to question their understanding and, at times, the essence of their identity. Alice begins to have identity crises when she finds that that which she does well in England has no bearing in Wonderland. Childhood here can be categorized as a search for identity with the use of socially constructed measurements. For example, when Alice first questions who she is, she measures her identity by her ability to remember and recite the multiplication table. When she cannot, she concludes that she must now be someone else because the authentic Alice knows that information well. She says, “London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, and Rome – no, that's all wrong, I'm certain! I must have been changed for Mabel!” (25). Throughout the story, we are given example after example of Alice demonstrating her knowledge, albeit at times her misunderstood knowledge, to prove to herself and to others that her identity is rooted in that which she knows, not necessarily that which she is because, due to all the physically changing tools given to her, that which she physically is may not be reliable evidence to prove her identity. During the trial of the Knave, she is very proud of herself for recognizing the roles in the courtroom. With the assistance of the narrator, she assesses herself in light of her English counterparts. She identifies the jurors multiple times to herself, “...being rather proud of it: for she thought and rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it all” (130). Not only is this detached from any notion of innocence, it's laden with pride and self-exaltation. Children are depicted here as prideful individuals with an envious awareness of the intelligence of other children. Though she is proud of the amount of knowledge she possesses at her age, it is because her young age sometimes proves to be the cause of her rebuke that in this search for identity, Alice cannot maintain a constant desire or preference of age. She shows indecisiveness and contradiction. While trapped in the White Rabbit's house, she contemplates the possibility of ceasing to age and says, “...shall I never get any older than I am now? That'll be a comfort, one way – never to be an old woman – but then – always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like that!” (44). She doesn't want the responsibility or appearance of adulthood, but doesn't like the submissiveness of childhood. This depicts children as indecisive and fickle. If innocent childhood is defined by contentment and joy, no one told the youth.

Eventually, Alice becomes so fed up with the nonsense of Wonderland that she asserts her role as an adult. This is seen in her physical growth in the last scene in Wonderland. This is what childhood eventually amounts to after an identity search, confusion, and frustration: an ability to have a participating voice in society. Innocence had no place at the beginning of this process and it certainly has no place in this culminating final stage. Childhood is the molding and preparation a young individual needs to undergo to learn how to function in a society of customs and regulations governing our naturally corrupt conditions. Wonderland, like the notion of innocence in childhood, is an illusion. It is one ended by the reality of wisdom and discernment as a child steps out of their dream world into reality; or, as in the case of Alice, when they are forcibly removed from it because they've been in Wonderland far too long.