Life is Happening

Things are happening. And yet, at the same time, they aren't. Let me explain.

My time at Cal State Northridge is wrapping up. I have to turn in an essay tomorrow, and take my last final on Friday morning. After Friday, my time as a Matador will be complete. And after the first week of July, when I finish my summer class at College of the Canyons, my degree will be complete.

Sergio will finish up taking his comps (hopefully) by the end of May and (probably) by the end of June. So, by the beginning of July, he will have his Masters in Physics, and I will have my Bachelors in English Literature. We will be done with that part of our lives!

Sergio and I got married when he started graduate school and when I was a sophomore in college. We've always been in school together thus far into our marriage. This is a new stage. This new stage is exciting, but at the same time, I find myself tempted to be anxious.

I have two jobs. One is at 24 Hour Fitness working at the front desk. The other is at Los Angeles City College in the writing center. My job at LACC ends with the school semester and depends on my full-time enrollment at a college or university. This job is also the major source of my income. At the end of their semester (which is in about two weeks) I will no longer have a job here and, unless I go to grad school, will not be able to gain employment from them again.

Sergio's current job at CSUN also ends with the school semester. (This job is the major source of our combined income). He will receive his last pay check in the month of July or August, I believe. Though he'll have some extra income in the month of June because he agreed to lecture a short summer class, he does not have any job security after that.

I am conflicted with the decision of what to do with myself. Honestly, I was hoping that I would be expecting by now so that the decision would be easy. But that is obviously not the Lord's plan for me yet. If I go to grad school, I'd have some job security in the coming semester. However, going to grad school would entail taking out a student loan, which I'm not sure I want to do.

I suppose this is every college grad's dilemma. I was actually getting overwhelmed by the uncertainty last week and earlier this week. I was feeling trapped and anxious. I wanted to cast my cares onto the Lord, but I started thinking, "Well, what if I get to the deadline for a decision regarding grad school and I still don't know the Lord's will for us yet?" I was letting that question consume me.

After some prayer and meditation on scripture, I realized that I don't need all the answers yet. If I really "cast my cares" on Him, I can't take them back. They're no longer mine. So what should I let consume my thoughts? Well, for starters, the things I know are demanding my attention now. My relationship with God, my husband, my final assignments, my home space, my budget, my health. These are plenty to keep my mind occupied. I'll continue to keep those other things in prayer, but they can't consume my meditations, or occupy space in my heart. They can't produce anxiety because they have been placed into the sovereignty of the Creator. That's where they were the whole time, I just kept wanting to take them from him. Anxiety is really just a produce of a lack of humility when you really think about it.

I would greatly appreciate your prayers regarding everything I've just mentioned. Things are uncertain, but God is greater than all of them. :)

Precious Jesus

It has been a bit since I have last posted. Not a whole lot has been going on lately. I'm finishing up the second to last week before school begins again. I'm more or less completely settled in my new home. And I've begun a new job.

Several weeks ago, I applied for a front desk position at 24 Hour Fitness. I began working last week. Because of my school schedule this semester, I knew that I wouldn't be able to work more than two shifts at the writing center and so I saw that I needed work to supplement the decreased hours. Well, I got that job and they gave me more shifts than I thought I could handle. I am amazed by God's sovereignty and provision. I learned a few days ago that because of California budget issues, jobs as student tutors will no longer be funded at Los Angeles City College. As disappointing as this is, to see the Lord's hand in providing enough work for me before I even knew I needed it has been an encouragement beyond words. This is just more evidence of God's faithfulness through Christ. I'm reminded of the lyrics of a familiar hymn

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
And to take Him at His word
Just to rest upon His promise
And to know "Thus says the Lord!"

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er.
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
O for grace to trust Him more!


Like I said earlier, school starts soon. August 29th to be exact. I'm trying to enjoy the time left, but am finding that in this pursuit, it's so easy to give into laziness. Blogging is a good way to combat this. It gives me something to do. It gives me opportunity to exercise my writing muscles (which will come in handy in a few weeks). And it gives me things to think about or study.

Just as a few weeks ago, I had the topic of legalism on my mind, I have had a new topic on my mind: the innocence of Satan. By this, I mean that I feel like Satan, though more guilty than measurable by any human standards, gets blamed for more than he actually does. Instead of taking personal responsibility for our own depravity and sinfulness, many believers like to pull out the "enemy" card and use the devil as a scapegoat for our own natural proclivity to love our sin. "The enemy is the reason my son has rejected Christ," to me, seems to be heard more often than, "My son, by nature, is an unrepentant lover of his sin, and the wisdom of God is foolishness to him." So hopefully by the end of the week, that blog post will be up.


I think that I have pretty much adjusted to our new home. It was really never difficult. I love my in-laws so much and they have been so gracious to Sergio and myself. They have gone out of their way to make sure we were comfortable and afforded every convenience. I love our dog, Paxton.



I think most of all, I love seeing Sergio with his little sisters or niece. He is so good with the girls, it fills me with joy.




This is Cindy. The young female version of Sergio with twice his humor.






He's going to be such a great dad one day. I am so blessed! :)

Ob-la-di Ob-la-da

This week has been busy. In fact, a few weeks ago, I didn't think I would have any weeks quite this busy this summer. Monday and Tuesday were reasonably chill. Sergio and I had the opportunity to just stay home, clean, read, and spend time with each other. I really felt as if the summer vacation had begun. That was interrupted by Wednesday. I had to go into work. It was my last full-day shift at Los Angeles City College until (Lord willing) the Fall semester.

Tuesday I had breakfast with my good friend, Eric and his mom. It was so sweet of them to open their home and spend time in pleasant conversation with them.

On Thursday, I went to my first Zumba class. It was surprisingly fun despite the fact that I felt ridiculous. Sergio and I then went the Writing Center party to do some karaoke. After that, we met up with his cousin, Cristabel to watch a midnight showing of the new X-Men movie. We got to bed around 3:30 in the morning.

Today, I was planning on heading to another Zumba class, but because of the late evening on Thursday, I woke up late. Sergio made me a tasty omelet and after doing some laundry and paying some bills, I was off to Pasadena to have lunch with my dear friend, Diane. We had such a great time of fellowship. I really love getting together with her. :) We're planning on going over Bridge's Respectable Sins together. Can't wait.

In about twenty minutes, Sergio and I will be on our way to bible study. Tomorrow is my final shift of the semester at LACC. In the afternoon, my family will hold their monthly bible study at my grandmother's house so I'll be there. Then in the evening, a few coworkers will be playing a show in Silverlake so Sergio and I will be there.

On Sunday, we will be at church in the morning and evening. After the evening service, our bible study will be hosting a send off for some of our missionaries that will be leaving to Asia. So up until then, we will be on the go from one place to another.

Regarding the job front, Sergio had an interview yesterday and I had one last week. Continued prayers for these specific jobs would be greatly appreciated. They are both jobs we would really like to get, but we ultimately seek the Lord's will.

Thank you! More soon hopefully!

Provision

Well, my work assignment at Los Angeles City College is coming to an end. I only have four more shifts at City and then I will be done. As I said in a previous blog post, as of right now, I don't have any work for summer. This was no problem as Sergio was going to be working enough at his old research job at CSUN to compensate for the income I wouldn't be bringing in. Unfortunately, as some of you know, his summer assignment fell through. This means that as of right now, the only certainty we have is about 60% of the income that we normally bring in for the months of June through August. This is a trial, sure. But nothing is too big for God. We have some savings so we'll be alright if neither one of us can find work, but we definitely don't want to deplete our savings over the course of the next three months as we're just starting to build it.

So what does this mean for us?
For Sergio, he'll be looking eagerly for any type of work, preferably physics-related work.
For me, I'll too be eagerly looking for work and this means that my summer projects may have to go on the shelves again.

But all of that is alright. I know that I need to be flexible and let the Lord demonstrate his sovereignty in our lives. These projects are going to get done, but they don't have to get done this summer.

This is also an amazing opportunity to allow the Lord to take control over this situation. We know that he will provide everything we need. He faithfully has thus far. And this is an opportunity for us to completely rely on his goodness and promise. We know that he may not necessarily abundantly give financially, but that's doesn't rob him of his goodness because his grace is not only sufficient, but abundant. We're blessed with family that are supportive and will help if necessary, we're blessed with low rent, and we're blessed with brothers and sisters that will be praying for us.

Most of all, I'm excited to look back at this time in a few months or years to really see retrospectively how gloriously the Lord used this trial to conform us closer to the image of his son in whom we have the promise of salvation.

What does this mean for you guys?
If you feel moved to do so, we would love and appreciate you prayers for our sanctification through this trial and for God's glorification.

I'm reminded of the apostle Paul's reminder of God's love

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Romans 8:31-32

And of course, the words of Christ,

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious saying, 'What shall we eat?' or ' What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 10: 25-34

The Last Four Months

I can not believe that I have neglected to contribute to my blog in the last four months. Not that I feel I've cheated any of you (whoever you may be) of anything special, but I'm upset that I haven't kept up with my commitment to myself about this blog.

But now, I'm over it.

Alright! It has been four months, let's see what I can catch people up to speed on. First of all, there was India. India was, for lack of a better word, amazing! There's nothing quite like giving your time in service to other believers around the world. Even though you are motivated by a giving heart, you come out of it feeling more blessed than you thought you would. In addition to that, experiencing worship with brothers and sisters from the other side of the world, but united in a love for Christ, is unlike anything you can experience in your bubble of comfort in the states. For all believers, I'd really encourage you to leave your home and travel for the purpose and pursuit of worship with siblings from all over.

It was a joy for me and Sergio to teach teenagers about the life, ministry, death and resurrection of our Savior. They were rambunctious at times, but when it came down to the lessons, they were attentive and respectful and engaged. It was easy to fall in love with many of them and I pray that we'll be able to see them again soon.

The food was fantastic. I'm still trying to lose the weight I gained there. Most short term missions almost guarantee a need to sacrifice good food. Not so in India.

As far as the grad school front is concerned, many things are still a mystery. Not only am I not sure where I want to go, I'm still unsure about what I want to major in. There are pros and cons to continuing in my study of English/American Literature, but my real passion and desire is to study Theology.

A lot depends on where Sergio goes to seminary. The two contenders are The Masters Seminary here in Los Angeles, and Bethlehem Seminary in Minneapolis. Personally, I'm kind of hoping we move only because I feel that life here has become much to comfortable for me. Shaking things up a bit would be a welcomed change for me.

If we stay in town, I plan on applying for grad school as a Lit major at UCLA, and USC and as a Theology major at Talbot. If we move, I'll apply to the University of Minnesota for Literature and to the Central Baptist Theological Seminary as a Theology major.

Regardless of what ends up happening, I know that we're going to end up exactly where the Lord wants us to. I'm learning that as confused, unsure, and indecisive as I am, there's absolutely no need for anxiety or worry because of the sovereignty of our God. What a joy and what peace there is in resting on that knowledge! I do ask that those of you reading this keep our decisions in your prayers as we seek to honor the Lord with wisdom and discernment in this and in everything else.

There's still so much to be said. Until next time...

The New Job

As many know, today I started my new job as a student mentor and English tutor at Los Angeles City College. This job was an answer to a prayer deeply rooted in my heart. I love helping people improve their writing. Interestingly, this love is not rooted in a passion or desire to see students empowered but rather in seeing them improve the skill of writing. This is not at all to say that I don't want students to feel good when they see improvement but that isn't what drives me. But some are driven by that. And that is what sets certain people apart from the rest of us. People who are driven, motivated, encouraged, inspired by the sheer process of personal development in their fellow man. There is a name for these special, set apart people. Teachers.

I have always held a certain amount of respect for good teachers. Today, that respect was affirmed and increased. Though I really believe that I will enjoy my new job immensely, I also know that my passion is for English Literature and not for teaching English Literature. Today, I saw many students who seemed to emit a disdain for being in school. I understand that to some degree. And I sympathize. But I knew, as I still do, that school, as tedious as I may find it sometimes, is a means to an end. I was always prepared, committed to tasks and assignments, and though not necessarily eager to participate actively, always eager to learn. Some students had looks of absolute boredom and were out the door before the professor finished speaking. I just had to ask myself, "Why are they here? This is college. They aren't required to be here. The professor has to do her best to teach them something." But I digress.

To be so inspired, rejuvenated and uplifted by simply seeing students learn is a special gift indeed. I think that we should often meditate on this fact and give thanks for all the great teachers we've had in our lives and the great teachers that we know. I don't know that my heart will ever be fully dedicated to teaching. I might end up there on a different level. We'll see. I'd rather write but the Lord might change my heart. Don't take for granted all the good teachers you've had and the ones you will have. Appreciate them. Thank them. Help them. It's not an easy job.