I feel kind of silly to have "resolutions" as my topic when we are only about to embark on October. As if the holidays don't come too quickly on their own, here I am talking about a holiday tradition that is still months away.
Truth be told, I'm not one for new year's resolutions. I don't mean that I don't make them. I make them pretty much every year. What I mean is that they lose their novelty quickly. I suppose that's true for most people. But, throughout the year, they are resurrected and pursued for a season until circumstances fade them into the background again. I think that's normal, right?
My resolutions generally fall somewhere within three or four categories. They are generally spiritual, physical, and day-to-day. Specifically, they are usually, "read my Bible more," "workout more," "become better organized." Occasionally, I'll be driven to be more frugal.
Don't we live life like this? We begin on a new journey with energy and vigor. The demands of day-to-day life begin to creep and you've realized you haven't prioritized those resolutions enough, or intentionally carved out time for them, to sustain the momentum you began with.
Unfortunately, this is also true for our walk in the faith. It's not something to boast in, but I don't think it's something to beat yourself up about either. God knows His creation. He knows how easily we forget and how easily derailed we are by distractions. But He's patient. And loving. And available. And accessible. And faithful. And forgiving. And kind. And merciful. And gracious.
I just want to encourage anyone that might be reading and feeling like they are in a significant low point in their obedience and walk. Firstly, repent. God is gracious and eager to forgive. Secondly, don't feel like you have go into an emotional whirlwind stirring up your affections so you can "recommit" your life to Christ. Just start practicing obedience again with diligence, humility, and dependence on grace.
Jonathan Edwards had great resolutions. 70 of them. Here are some:
#25 Resolved, to examine carefully, and constantly, what that one thing in me is, which causes me in the least to doubt of the love of God; and to direct all my forces against it.
#42 Resolved, frequently to renew the dedication of myself to God, which was made at my baptism; which I solemnly renewed, when I was received into the communion o the church; and which I have solemnly re-made this twelfth day of January.
#60 Resolved, whenever my feelings begin to appear in the least out of order, when I am conscious of the least uneasiness within, or the least irregularity without, I will then subject myself to the strictest examination.
#53 Resolved, to improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer.
#3 Resolved, if ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these Resolutions, to repent of all I can remember, when I come to myself again.
So, though it is nearly October, renew a diligent pursuit of the resolutions you made earlier this year so you can close 2013 on a high note and embrace 2014 with the joy the Lord provides!
What it means to be a woman, a wife, and a student, from a sinner that's still learning.
Showing posts with label Refining. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Refining. Show all posts
Monday, September 30, 2013
Monday, July 1, 2013
Preparing for Calvin: Part Three; Prayers for the Hearts of my Husband and my Son
Thankfully, now we are logistically prepared for the arrival of our first child. The car seat is in the car, the crib is assembled, and his closet is organized and diapers are handy. See, we're not that negligent. But one day after his due date, Calvin is still comfortably mooching off in my womb. We are eager to meet this little boy, but he seems content to make us wait. I guess he's doing this because he knows I still have not finished my series of blog posts. He's so smart!
Well, in the two previous posts, I've explained the ways in which I'm spiritually, mentally and emotionally preparing for the arrival of my son. The first way was through reading. The second way was through prayer. I explained that I bring myself up to the throne of grace often and pray for my own ability to mother him. Well, I also pray for two other people quite regularly.
The first is for Sergio, my husband and Calvin's dad. I'm sure anyone who reads this blog on a somewhat regular basis already knows how I feel about my husband. (He's FANTASTIC!) And I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but I really do love him and admire his character. He's faithful to me and to our covenant bond of marriage in ways in which many people don't even consider.
When a woman has this type of man by her side, it's easy to eagerly want to do what is in his best interest. This desire to serve him plays out differently from day to day, but the best thing I can do for him is pray for him. I do this often. I pray for his safety, for his health, etc. but today, I'm going to talk about how I'm specifically praying for him as we wait to be given a baby to raise.
Firstly, and most importantly, I'm praying for his relationship with the Lord. Before he can be a faithful husband and father, he must be a faithful follower of Christ. A man's relationship before God governs the quality of his relationship to his family and to anyone else. When his relationship to his Savior is tested, frayed, or weakened, it's only a matter of time before his relationship with his wife and his children will be negatively affected. My primary prayer for my husband is that God's grace sustains his faith and confidence in Christ and that He give Sergio the desire, drive, and diligence to continue to pursue Him as his greatest treasure.
Secondly, I'm praying for Sergio to be given abundant wisdom and clarity as to what is required of him as a husband and as a father. The best way for a man to be a great father is to first be a great husband. Nothing gives a child a better sense of security and love than a mother and a father who are wholly committed to the strength of their marriage. Sergio excels in this area. I pray that God continues to give him the grace needed to excel still more. But there also exists the need for wisdom and clarity in God's calling for fathers. At the end of the day, when Sergio comes before God to give an account for his life, the buck stops with him for the state of his household. He will have to give an account for his performance as the head and leader of the household. That is exclusively the role of the husband/father. It can't be a charge that is neglected or taken lightly and I pray that Sergio remains mindful and consistent. I believe he will.
Lastly, I pray for Sergio's biblical convictions to remain strong and for those convictions to be lived out in every area of his life. It's one thing to communicate convictions to children. It's quite another for them to see you cherish them and live them out with joy. I'm praying for Sergio's courage and boldness in this as our society is quickly changing into one that is hostile to many of the convictions we hold. I do not want our children to see us waver out of fear of man or persecution. I want them to see us love our Lord's standards and I want them to see it especially in their father.
The other person I'm praying for is Calvin. Duh! Firstly, I'm praying for Calvin's level of understanding. I know that as his mother, I'll be in the unique position to speak truth into his life more often than any one else - especially in the early years. I'm praying that God gives him a mind that is eager to listen and learn and understand. I pray that he's a little boy who asks a lot of questions, who loves to read, and who knows how to use his imagination skillfully. I pray that he desires to soak up as much knowledge as possible and for a desire to live out the knowledge and truth he does acquire.
The other way I'm praying for Calvin is in the company he keeps. The Lord was very gracious to me in the friends I made throughout my childhood, adolescence, and now adulthood. Not all were necessarily Christian or came from a Christian home, but he spared me from potentially corrupting elements. Children are impressionable and easily swayed. And rarely do they have the wisdom to discern when they are being influenced negatively. In his childhood, I pray that God gives Calvin friendships that would be edifying and that would point him back to Christ. In adolescence, I pray that God shapes and informs his discernment as he makes friends that will have a significant impact on his development into adulthood.
In my own adulthood, the Lord has blessed me with a wealth of godly women friends of all ages from whom to draw wisdom and insight. They have labored with me in prayer over countless issues, spoke into my life, helped me to see God in areas of my life that I was ignoring or neglecting, and have provided nuggets of truth that I often turn to when I'm in sin. I pray that God gives Calvin an army of godly men to surround him in this same way. Also, I pray that God makes Calvin the kind of friend and the kind of man that would edify, challenge, and sharpen other men as iron sharpens iron for the glory of God and the building up of His church.
Lastly, and most importantly, I'm praying for Calvin's salvation. I realize that this prayer really should've been the first mentioned as it dictates the rest. If Calvin is full of biblical knowledge, and knows how to play the part of the Christian, but has never been redeemed through Christ, it's all hypocrisy and he would just be a pharisee. The reason I saved this for last is because I can instill in him a habit of reading and study. I should and I will. I can also instruct him in how to be a good friend and when he's little, I can have authority over the company he keeps. But when it comes to the regeneration of his heart and the salvation of his soul, I can do nothing but pray. Sure, I can teach him what the bible says on the matter - and I will - and I can point to ways to look for evidence of his salvation - and I will. I can even encourage him to search his own heart and question its motives - and I will. But I cannot ensure there any specific conditions in our home that will guarantee his salvation. Nor will any amount of prayer guarantee his salvation. I can only pray for it and trust that the Lord has already decided the final state of his soul.
In one sense, this can be discouraging. Why bother going through all the trouble of raising up a child in a Christian home with Christian standards if there's no guarantee of his eternal security? Raising up a child in this manner requires sacrifice, denial of yourself, and hard labor. But in another, more real sense, it's a relief. My faithfulness to raise my child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is not primarily to ensure a specific outcome for my child: it is an expression of my love and desire for obedience to the Lord that saved me. That love for Him then secures my confidence in that whether he saves my son or not, He will be glorified for eternity. Therefore, my joy in Him not dependent on circumstance, not even the circumstance of my son's eternal security. His glory - not my children's salvation - is my soul's joy and satisfaction.
So, that's how I'm preparing for the newest addition to our family. This is how I will prepare for all subsequent additions, however many that will be. As for now, we patiently (not always as patiently as I ought) await God's blessing and know with a heavy heart that ultimately, this child (just like everything else we have authority over) is not mine. He is the Lord's and I am just a steward until the Lord sees fit to end my stewardship for his purposes.
Just waiting for the labor pains to begin.... :)
Well, in the two previous posts, I've explained the ways in which I'm spiritually, mentally and emotionally preparing for the arrival of my son. The first way was through reading. The second way was through prayer. I explained that I bring myself up to the throne of grace often and pray for my own ability to mother him. Well, I also pray for two other people quite regularly.
The first is for Sergio, my husband and Calvin's dad. I'm sure anyone who reads this blog on a somewhat regular basis already knows how I feel about my husband. (He's FANTASTIC!) And I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but I really do love him and admire his character. He's faithful to me and to our covenant bond of marriage in ways in which many people don't even consider.
When a woman has this type of man by her side, it's easy to eagerly want to do what is in his best interest. This desire to serve him plays out differently from day to day, but the best thing I can do for him is pray for him. I do this often. I pray for his safety, for his health, etc. but today, I'm going to talk about how I'm specifically praying for him as we wait to be given a baby to raise.
Firstly, and most importantly, I'm praying for his relationship with the Lord. Before he can be a faithful husband and father, he must be a faithful follower of Christ. A man's relationship before God governs the quality of his relationship to his family and to anyone else. When his relationship to his Savior is tested, frayed, or weakened, it's only a matter of time before his relationship with his wife and his children will be negatively affected. My primary prayer for my husband is that God's grace sustains his faith and confidence in Christ and that He give Sergio the desire, drive, and diligence to continue to pursue Him as his greatest treasure.
Secondly, I'm praying for Sergio to be given abundant wisdom and clarity as to what is required of him as a husband and as a father. The best way for a man to be a great father is to first be a great husband. Nothing gives a child a better sense of security and love than a mother and a father who are wholly committed to the strength of their marriage. Sergio excels in this area. I pray that God continues to give him the grace needed to excel still more. But there also exists the need for wisdom and clarity in God's calling for fathers. At the end of the day, when Sergio comes before God to give an account for his life, the buck stops with him for the state of his household. He will have to give an account for his performance as the head and leader of the household. That is exclusively the role of the husband/father. It can't be a charge that is neglected or taken lightly and I pray that Sergio remains mindful and consistent. I believe he will.
Lastly, I pray for Sergio's biblical convictions to remain strong and for those convictions to be lived out in every area of his life. It's one thing to communicate convictions to children. It's quite another for them to see you cherish them and live them out with joy. I'm praying for Sergio's courage and boldness in this as our society is quickly changing into one that is hostile to many of the convictions we hold. I do not want our children to see us waver out of fear of man or persecution. I want them to see us love our Lord's standards and I want them to see it especially in their father.
The other person I'm praying for is Calvin. Duh! Firstly, I'm praying for Calvin's level of understanding. I know that as his mother, I'll be in the unique position to speak truth into his life more often than any one else - especially in the early years. I'm praying that God gives him a mind that is eager to listen and learn and understand. I pray that he's a little boy who asks a lot of questions, who loves to read, and who knows how to use his imagination skillfully. I pray that he desires to soak up as much knowledge as possible and for a desire to live out the knowledge and truth he does acquire.
The other way I'm praying for Calvin is in the company he keeps. The Lord was very gracious to me in the friends I made throughout my childhood, adolescence, and now adulthood. Not all were necessarily Christian or came from a Christian home, but he spared me from potentially corrupting elements. Children are impressionable and easily swayed. And rarely do they have the wisdom to discern when they are being influenced negatively. In his childhood, I pray that God gives Calvin friendships that would be edifying and that would point him back to Christ. In adolescence, I pray that God shapes and informs his discernment as he makes friends that will have a significant impact on his development into adulthood.
In my own adulthood, the Lord has blessed me with a wealth of godly women friends of all ages from whom to draw wisdom and insight. They have labored with me in prayer over countless issues, spoke into my life, helped me to see God in areas of my life that I was ignoring or neglecting, and have provided nuggets of truth that I often turn to when I'm in sin. I pray that God gives Calvin an army of godly men to surround him in this same way. Also, I pray that God makes Calvin the kind of friend and the kind of man that would edify, challenge, and sharpen other men as iron sharpens iron for the glory of God and the building up of His church.
Lastly, and most importantly, I'm praying for Calvin's salvation. I realize that this prayer really should've been the first mentioned as it dictates the rest. If Calvin is full of biblical knowledge, and knows how to play the part of the Christian, but has never been redeemed through Christ, it's all hypocrisy and he would just be a pharisee. The reason I saved this for last is because I can instill in him a habit of reading and study. I should and I will. I can also instruct him in how to be a good friend and when he's little, I can have authority over the company he keeps. But when it comes to the regeneration of his heart and the salvation of his soul, I can do nothing but pray. Sure, I can teach him what the bible says on the matter - and I will - and I can point to ways to look for evidence of his salvation - and I will. I can even encourage him to search his own heart and question its motives - and I will. But I cannot ensure there any specific conditions in our home that will guarantee his salvation. Nor will any amount of prayer guarantee his salvation. I can only pray for it and trust that the Lord has already decided the final state of his soul.
In one sense, this can be discouraging. Why bother going through all the trouble of raising up a child in a Christian home with Christian standards if there's no guarantee of his eternal security? Raising up a child in this manner requires sacrifice, denial of yourself, and hard labor. But in another, more real sense, it's a relief. My faithfulness to raise my child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is not primarily to ensure a specific outcome for my child: it is an expression of my love and desire for obedience to the Lord that saved me. That love for Him then secures my confidence in that whether he saves my son or not, He will be glorified for eternity. Therefore, my joy in Him not dependent on circumstance, not even the circumstance of my son's eternal security. His glory - not my children's salvation - is my soul's joy and satisfaction.
So, that's how I'm preparing for the newest addition to our family. This is how I will prepare for all subsequent additions, however many that will be. As for now, we patiently (not always as patiently as I ought) await God's blessing and know with a heavy heart that ultimately, this child (just like everything else we have authority over) is not mine. He is the Lord's and I am just a steward until the Lord sees fit to end my stewardship for his purposes.
Just waiting for the labor pains to begin.... :)
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Preparing for Calvin Part Two: Prayer for my Own Heart and Soul
Firstly, I know that this post is long overdue. I had intended to post it so much sooner. It's not that I didn't know what I would write. I've had it all mapped out since the beginning. But I didn't want to write this hastily without contemplation, so I let it stew in my mind for a few days. And then, before you know it, a few more days went by and I still had not written anything. This morning, Sergio along with a few men from our Bible study are at our home having breakfast for a monthly meeting as they go over Al Mohler's book, A Conviction to Lead. I'm at Starbucks and so I thought this would be a great opportunity to finally write what has been on my mind for some of the last week and a half.
In my last entry, I mentioned how we have done little to prepare for baby Calvin practically. That hasn't changed this week. But I mentioned how despite my lack of practical measures taken towards his arrival, I have been vigilant in spiritual preparation.
Firstly, my preparation has taken form in reading. Primarily, reading the Bible is the most beneficial measure of preparedness. Secondly, reading good parenting books by well-learned and Biblically wise people has spoken into my heart as I begin to think about a life of child-rearing.
The second way I'm preparing for Calvin's debut is in prayer.
As sort of a preface, as well as a connecting thought between the two blog posts, though prayer can be seen as a separate point/measure, it actually penetrates into my reading life as well. The reason is that when we're talking about the Bible, it's one thing to read it and it's quite another to read it and allow the Holy Spirit to pierce your soul THROUGH reading it. Reading your Bible for the sake of knowing what it says is nothing beyond a human endeavor. It is independent of divine intervention, and really serves no other purpose beyond an academic one.
To read your Bible for the purpose of allowing it to inform and transform first your heart/affections, then your mind/thought processes, then your life/behaviors is a spiritual endeavor dependent on God the Spirit. It's something that you can't leave up to your own ability. Just try and you'll realize that after a short-lived spiritual "high," all you'll have are vapors and you're running on fumes longing to recapture a subjective and shallow experience in your past. For the Bible to inform your living to the point of change, there must be a complete and vulnerable dependence on the Holy Spirit to complete the task. This is a humbling reality that causes me to come before the throne of grace often to ask for understanding and discernment and rejoice in the fact that God is far more able to provide these than I am to seek them out.
There are three people I'm fervently praying for as I prepare for Calvin. These three people are myself, Sergio, and Calvin. Of course, I'm praying for all who will be in Calvin's life (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, church family, friends), that they would be blessings to him and examples of God's grace to us, but I know that there is a greater need to bring myself, my husband, and my little son up in prayer as I think about the task of raising a child in the fear and admonition of the Lord.
Firstly, I'm praying for myself.
I'm praying for my own spiritual growth
"But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:14-17
The truths of God are food to the regenerated heart. And, like food, we don't reach a point in this life time where we've had enough to live on for an extended period of time. You are always either eating, digesting, or starving. The Christian life is not stagnant. You are either learning, growing, or regressing. My son is going to see that. And children are more observant than I think adults generally give them credit for. I'm not saying I don't anticipate Calvin will see me sin. I know he will. But I want there to be evidence to his heart of a kind and loving God who is growing ALL his children, including his mommy. (Side note: "Mommy"... whoa... weird).
I'm praying for a faithful commitment to my charge of parenting.
"Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Israel was instructed to teach their children diligently, when they sat, when they walked, when they lay down and when they rose. Essentially, taking every opportunity presented to instruct them about their God. I'm not even the parent to a speaking child yet and I already find it easy to dismiss children's inquisitions that I either don't feel like talking about or don't have the answers for. This is so contrary to the principle laid out in Deuteronomy! What a disservice I would do to little Calvin if I didn't look for and seize every opportunity to inform him about Christ, my faith, God's love, and everything else found in the pages of Scripture! No one wants to set their children up for failure. And yet, that's the reality we flirt with when we become haphazard or lackadaisical about diligently teaching and correcting them because of selfish motives.
I'm praying for my own wisdom and patience.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." James 1:2-5
and
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control..." Galatians 5:22-23
Sergio and I will be parents who spank. I know that spanking is becoming a taboo sin in the eyes of our culture as time goes on. And I partly think that there is good reason for spanking to be viewed as harmful and barbaric. When people vilify spanking, I think that there is a general concept of spanking that they are standing firmly against. The kind of spanking that comes to mind is an enraged mother or father unloading their discontentment or anger on a poor defenseless and confused child who has somehow fallen short of their selfish expectations. And yes, that is horrible! That is NOT the kind of spanking Sergio and I will be doing.
But, our children will know that there are consequences to their actions. Not every time, but sometimes (particularly when their smaller and have less capacity for lectures), those consequences will be spanking. Their spanking will be done in private so as to not shame them in front of others. It will be done as a result of deliberately and sinfully failing to obey Mom or Dad. It will not be done out of anger. If their disobedience particularly angers me, I'll probably have to delay the punishment for a brief period of time to pray, get rid of my pride, and get my heart right before the Lord so that I'm not sinning against Him or my child. Their spanking will be accompanied with an explanation of their offense against the authority God has placed in their lives (Mom and Dad) and consequently, their rebellion against God. It will also be explained that Mom and Dad also have to be obedient to God and other authorities in their lives and that the chastisement is done out of love and a desire for them to learn from mistakes to show that it is better to obey than it is to rebel. Because loving obedience results in blessing. Spanking will be accompanied with affection and it will never be followed by maintained anger or resentment. It will always restore the relationship to the state it was in before the offense was committed because that is its purpose.
When done appropriately, spanking is a wonderful opportunity to display loving correction and ultimately to explain the gospel to little unregenerate hearts that need it so desperately -- regardless of how cute their faces are.
With that said, I'm not so deluded as to believe that I will do this perfectly each time. I'm a sinner. And I know that I will probably spank out of anger sometimes. But I pray to have wisdom in the manner I choose to deal with disobedience, and that I be governed by love and patience for my child, not selfish desires to have my wishes met by my children's behavior, lest I provoke them to anger. If and when I spank wrongly, I pray that I have the humility to seek forgiveness from my children, showing them that I am not above God's standards for life and that I, too, love to be obedient to God.
I feel like this might be enough for one blog post. I had intended to go on to explain how I'm preparing for baby Calvin in how I'm praying for Sergio and for him, but I think I need to save that for another day as well. I apologize! but I didn't realize how much prayer I needed!
So, stay tuned. Next time: how I'm preparing for baby through prayer for Sergio and for Calvin.
Thankful for your partnership in prayer!
In my last entry, I mentioned how we have done little to prepare for baby Calvin practically. That hasn't changed this week. But I mentioned how despite my lack of practical measures taken towards his arrival, I have been vigilant in spiritual preparation.
Firstly, my preparation has taken form in reading. Primarily, reading the Bible is the most beneficial measure of preparedness. Secondly, reading good parenting books by well-learned and Biblically wise people has spoken into my heart as I begin to think about a life of child-rearing.
The second way I'm preparing for Calvin's debut is in prayer.
As sort of a preface, as well as a connecting thought between the two blog posts, though prayer can be seen as a separate point/measure, it actually penetrates into my reading life as well. The reason is that when we're talking about the Bible, it's one thing to read it and it's quite another to read it and allow the Holy Spirit to pierce your soul THROUGH reading it. Reading your Bible for the sake of knowing what it says is nothing beyond a human endeavor. It is independent of divine intervention, and really serves no other purpose beyond an academic one.
To read your Bible for the purpose of allowing it to inform and transform first your heart/affections, then your mind/thought processes, then your life/behaviors is a spiritual endeavor dependent on God the Spirit. It's something that you can't leave up to your own ability. Just try and you'll realize that after a short-lived spiritual "high," all you'll have are vapors and you're running on fumes longing to recapture a subjective and shallow experience in your past. For the Bible to inform your living to the point of change, there must be a complete and vulnerable dependence on the Holy Spirit to complete the task. This is a humbling reality that causes me to come before the throne of grace often to ask for understanding and discernment and rejoice in the fact that God is far more able to provide these than I am to seek them out.
There are three people I'm fervently praying for as I prepare for Calvin. These three people are myself, Sergio, and Calvin. Of course, I'm praying for all who will be in Calvin's life (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, church family, friends), that they would be blessings to him and examples of God's grace to us, but I know that there is a greater need to bring myself, my husband, and my little son up in prayer as I think about the task of raising a child in the fear and admonition of the Lord.
Firstly, I'm praying for myself.
I'm praying for my own spiritual growth
"But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:14-17
The truths of God are food to the regenerated heart. And, like food, we don't reach a point in this life time where we've had enough to live on for an extended period of time. You are always either eating, digesting, or starving. The Christian life is not stagnant. You are either learning, growing, or regressing. My son is going to see that. And children are more observant than I think adults generally give them credit for. I'm not saying I don't anticipate Calvin will see me sin. I know he will. But I want there to be evidence to his heart of a kind and loving God who is growing ALL his children, including his mommy. (Side note: "Mommy"... whoa... weird).
I'm praying for a faithful commitment to my charge of parenting.
"Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Israel was instructed to teach their children diligently, when they sat, when they walked, when they lay down and when they rose. Essentially, taking every opportunity presented to instruct them about their God. I'm not even the parent to a speaking child yet and I already find it easy to dismiss children's inquisitions that I either don't feel like talking about or don't have the answers for. This is so contrary to the principle laid out in Deuteronomy! What a disservice I would do to little Calvin if I didn't look for and seize every opportunity to inform him about Christ, my faith, God's love, and everything else found in the pages of Scripture! No one wants to set their children up for failure. And yet, that's the reality we flirt with when we become haphazard or lackadaisical about diligently teaching and correcting them because of selfish motives.
I'm praying for my own wisdom and patience.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." James 1:2-5
and
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control..." Galatians 5:22-23
Sergio and I will be parents who spank. I know that spanking is becoming a taboo sin in the eyes of our culture as time goes on. And I partly think that there is good reason for spanking to be viewed as harmful and barbaric. When people vilify spanking, I think that there is a general concept of spanking that they are standing firmly against. The kind of spanking that comes to mind is an enraged mother or father unloading their discontentment or anger on a poor defenseless and confused child who has somehow fallen short of their selfish expectations. And yes, that is horrible! That is NOT the kind of spanking Sergio and I will be doing.
But, our children will know that there are consequences to their actions. Not every time, but sometimes (particularly when their smaller and have less capacity for lectures), those consequences will be spanking. Their spanking will be done in private so as to not shame them in front of others. It will be done as a result of deliberately and sinfully failing to obey Mom or Dad. It will not be done out of anger. If their disobedience particularly angers me, I'll probably have to delay the punishment for a brief period of time to pray, get rid of my pride, and get my heart right before the Lord so that I'm not sinning against Him or my child. Their spanking will be accompanied with an explanation of their offense against the authority God has placed in their lives (Mom and Dad) and consequently, their rebellion against God. It will also be explained that Mom and Dad also have to be obedient to God and other authorities in their lives and that the chastisement is done out of love and a desire for them to learn from mistakes to show that it is better to obey than it is to rebel. Because loving obedience results in blessing. Spanking will be accompanied with affection and it will never be followed by maintained anger or resentment. It will always restore the relationship to the state it was in before the offense was committed because that is its purpose.
When done appropriately, spanking is a wonderful opportunity to display loving correction and ultimately to explain the gospel to little unregenerate hearts that need it so desperately -- regardless of how cute their faces are.
With that said, I'm not so deluded as to believe that I will do this perfectly each time. I'm a sinner. And I know that I will probably spank out of anger sometimes. But I pray to have wisdom in the manner I choose to deal with disobedience, and that I be governed by love and patience for my child, not selfish desires to have my wishes met by my children's behavior, lest I provoke them to anger. If and when I spank wrongly, I pray that I have the humility to seek forgiveness from my children, showing them that I am not above God's standards for life and that I, too, love to be obedient to God.
I feel like this might be enough for one blog post. I had intended to go on to explain how I'm preparing for baby Calvin in how I'm praying for Sergio and for him, but I think I need to save that for another day as well. I apologize! but I didn't realize how much prayer I needed!
So, stay tuned. Next time: how I'm preparing for baby through prayer for Sergio and for Calvin.
Thankful for your partnership in prayer!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Preparing for Calvin Part One
Well, baby Calvin is due at the end of June. That's just over two months from now. Sergio and I are eager to meet this little man. (My eagerness is partly influenced by the fact that I'm not crazy about being pregnant and am quite ready for it to be over).
Sergio and I are not planners. What's more, we're both procrastinators. So when people ask, "What do you still need to get ready?" My response is, "Everything." We have some baby clothes as well as bottles that a couple of families have graciously handed down. We have a small supply of diapers and baby formula ready to go in case he comes early. And the baby registry is mostly finished. But that's it. What more is there? I have no idea. I figure we'll learn as we go. We're experts at winging it.
But there are aspects of child-rearing that I am not leaving to chance. No, I have not read up on colic, sleeping patterns, development markers for growth, diaper rash, baby Einstein videos, or toys to help motor skills. I probably will one day soon, (or not, who knows.) but that's not what is consuming my head space when it comes to preparing for baby Calvin. The two major things I'm doing to be adequately prepared for this little gift is reading and praying.
*I won't be able to exhaust all I want to say in one sitting. So today, I will expound what I'm reading in preparation for baby Calvin and either later today or tomorrow, I will write about what I'm praying in preparation for him.*
As broad as reading and praying are, they each have particular and specific manifestations.
My reading falls into two categories. The Bible and parenting books.
In preparation for Calvin, I'm reading the bible. I want my own knowledge of God to be built up so that my life is an informed and intentional living sacrifice to the God who saved me from my own sin. First Peter 2:9 says, "But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." I was saved so that my life could be one of good works as a form of worship to God and as a testimony of his goodness to an unbelieving world. Because my husband is a believer, and therefore a fellow heir in Christ, my first evangelistic ministry is to my children. My life ought to be a living example of God's kindness and mercy to them. And my understanding of God informs and enhances my ability to live out this task.
A deeper understanding of God not only motivates my living for him, but it allows me to directly and correctly instruct my children. Though it is essential, it's not enough to assume that my holy living will inform my son about the characteristics of God. I need to be able to communicate those truths to him at every level of his understanding. In order for me to do that, I need to know those truths like the back of my hand. Second Peter 1:3 says, "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence." The Bible contains all truths that "pertain to life and godliness." Have you seen how big the Bible is?! Then you can appreciate the burden and gravitas of that charge!
Well, I'm not just reading the Bible in preparation for baby Calvin. I'm also reading good parenting books. I think it's important to make two distinctions right off the bat here. Firstly, I need to say that no amount of reading outside the Bible, even books by wise Christian authors, can replace or substitute reading to gain knowledge from the Bible. The Bible is the inspired Word of the creator of the universe. All other books, as helpful as they can be and as God-honoring as they may be, are not. I admit that I have a tendency to spend more time reading books by MacArthur, Piper and others because of the ease of readability. But this should not be. And I'm making efforts to combat this. I'd encourage anyone reading this to make more efforts in getting your wisdom and knowledge PRIMARILY from the Word of God and not being content with Christian books that quote the Bible. I promise there is a difference in authority, and there is a difference in how your soul will be influenced.
Secondly, I want to emphasize my word choice. "I'm reading good parenting books." By this, I don't just mean I'm reading Christian parenting books. Unfortunately, in the majority of Christian bookstores, there are few choice of books that have sound doctrine, that exalt God above man, and that have principles rooted in scripture. It's sad. And I really exhort anyone reading to be careful in those stores. Many Christian parenting books and resources today is just secular psychology wrapped in "christian" language that vaguely and superficially address biblical concepts of parenting. A secular psychological concept that is supported with a bible verse taken out of its context is NOT biblical. Be careful.
With that said, getting your hands on a good parenting book is not only helpful, it's wise. As important as it is to get your wisdom primarily from the Bible, God has gifted people with the ability to teach and help communicate the truths found in scripture. Don't be foolish enough to think you have it all figured out. Find reputable, Bible-exalting authors you trust who have proven to be beyond reproach and read what they have to say on different subjects. Make use of the resources available to you. I have read Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp and am currently reading What the Bible Says About Parenting by John MacArthur. Both are blessings to my heart and soul because they are rooted in scripture and I highly recommend both to parents, parents-to-be, or anyone who has children in their care (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc).
At a later time, I will write about the other way I am preparing for baby Calvin: through fervent and sincere prayer. As important as reading the Word is, it's imperative that we remember that even in our study and diligence, we are dependent on God's grace to understand his truths, and to apply them to our lives.
Cuteness side note: as I was writing this, this little son of mine was squirming and kicking restlessly. I love being a mom. Right now, it's so easy. :)
Sergio and I are not planners. What's more, we're both procrastinators. So when people ask, "What do you still need to get ready?" My response is, "Everything." We have some baby clothes as well as bottles that a couple of families have graciously handed down. We have a small supply of diapers and baby formula ready to go in case he comes early. And the baby registry is mostly finished. But that's it. What more is there? I have no idea. I figure we'll learn as we go. We're experts at winging it.
But there are aspects of child-rearing that I am not leaving to chance. No, I have not read up on colic, sleeping patterns, development markers for growth, diaper rash, baby Einstein videos, or toys to help motor skills. I probably will one day soon, (or not, who knows.) but that's not what is consuming my head space when it comes to preparing for baby Calvin. The two major things I'm doing to be adequately prepared for this little gift is reading and praying.
*I won't be able to exhaust all I want to say in one sitting. So today, I will expound what I'm reading in preparation for baby Calvin and either later today or tomorrow, I will write about what I'm praying in preparation for him.*
As broad as reading and praying are, they each have particular and specific manifestations.
My reading falls into two categories. The Bible and parenting books.
In preparation for Calvin, I'm reading the bible. I want my own knowledge of God to be built up so that my life is an informed and intentional living sacrifice to the God who saved me from my own sin. First Peter 2:9 says, "But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." I was saved so that my life could be one of good works as a form of worship to God and as a testimony of his goodness to an unbelieving world. Because my husband is a believer, and therefore a fellow heir in Christ, my first evangelistic ministry is to my children. My life ought to be a living example of God's kindness and mercy to them. And my understanding of God informs and enhances my ability to live out this task.
A deeper understanding of God not only motivates my living for him, but it allows me to directly and correctly instruct my children. Though it is essential, it's not enough to assume that my holy living will inform my son about the characteristics of God. I need to be able to communicate those truths to him at every level of his understanding. In order for me to do that, I need to know those truths like the back of my hand. Second Peter 1:3 says, "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence." The Bible contains all truths that "pertain to life and godliness." Have you seen how big the Bible is?! Then you can appreciate the burden and gravitas of that charge!
Well, I'm not just reading the Bible in preparation for baby Calvin. I'm also reading good parenting books. I think it's important to make two distinctions right off the bat here. Firstly, I need to say that no amount of reading outside the Bible, even books by wise Christian authors, can replace or substitute reading to gain knowledge from the Bible. The Bible is the inspired Word of the creator of the universe. All other books, as helpful as they can be and as God-honoring as they may be, are not. I admit that I have a tendency to spend more time reading books by MacArthur, Piper and others because of the ease of readability. But this should not be. And I'm making efforts to combat this. I'd encourage anyone reading this to make more efforts in getting your wisdom and knowledge PRIMARILY from the Word of God and not being content with Christian books that quote the Bible. I promise there is a difference in authority, and there is a difference in how your soul will be influenced.
Secondly, I want to emphasize my word choice. "I'm reading good parenting books." By this, I don't just mean I'm reading Christian parenting books. Unfortunately, in the majority of Christian bookstores, there are few choice of books that have sound doctrine, that exalt God above man, and that have principles rooted in scripture. It's sad. And I really exhort anyone reading to be careful in those stores. Many Christian parenting books and resources today is just secular psychology wrapped in "christian" language that vaguely and superficially address biblical concepts of parenting. A secular psychological concept that is supported with a bible verse taken out of its context is NOT biblical. Be careful.
With that said, getting your hands on a good parenting book is not only helpful, it's wise. As important as it is to get your wisdom primarily from the Bible, God has gifted people with the ability to teach and help communicate the truths found in scripture. Don't be foolish enough to think you have it all figured out. Find reputable, Bible-exalting authors you trust who have proven to be beyond reproach and read what they have to say on different subjects. Make use of the resources available to you. I have read Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp and am currently reading What the Bible Says About Parenting by John MacArthur. Both are blessings to my heart and soul because they are rooted in scripture and I highly recommend both to parents, parents-to-be, or anyone who has children in their care (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc).
At a later time, I will write about the other way I am preparing for baby Calvin: through fervent and sincere prayer. As important as reading the Word is, it's imperative that we remember that even in our study and diligence, we are dependent on God's grace to understand his truths, and to apply them to our lives.
Cuteness side note: as I was writing this, this little son of mine was squirming and kicking restlessly. I love being a mom. Right now, it's so easy. :)
Thursday, January 3, 2013
A Truly "Good" Marriage
Happy New Year everyone!
It has been so long since I've posted. And that's because a lot has been happening. I won't go through everything, but know that I have been challenged in many good ways to be more organized with my time, more intentional with my decisions, and more thankful for my husband's free time.
Though there really is tons I would like to share, this post is really the result of a conversation I had last week and my own contemplation that has ensued from it.
Last week, after church, I went to lunch with a friend of mine and a friend of hers. The latter had recently been through a difficult break up with a long time boyfriend and asked me a poignant question. She asked, "Would you say that a good marriage requires both individuals compromising and meeting in the middle when they disagree." I said, "No."
This may come as a shock. On the surface, it would seem that the answer should be "yes" as a peaceful marriage does require selflessness from both husband and wife. But let me explain why I responded in the negative and what it was I said a good marriage required.
*Please note that in this particular scenario, there was an understanding that we were talking about a Christian marriage, though I don't think it would surprise anyone for me to say that a Christian marriage is the type that is most pleasurable to be in anyway.*
Firstly, it's important to define "good." The reason this is important because it was a significant condition in the phrasing of the question. I don't doubt that there are many decent, peaceful, and even pleasurable marriages where compromise and "meeting in the middle" are common place. But how I define the word "good" is why that mode of conflict resolution is insufficient.
I'm talking about "good" in the most ultimate sense of the word - in the sense the bible talks about when it talks about good for believers. Yes, I'm going there. We all know the verse right? :
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose
Romans 8:28
Ok well, that's all well and... er... good. But that doesn't really tell us what the "good" is for the believers that love God (which, by definition, is all believers, by the way).
The answer comes in verse 29:
For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.
Here's the "good" that is resulting from God working all our circumstances towards: our sanctification - our conformation to the image of his Son.
So, back to the original question. Does a good marriage require individuals compromise to meet in the middle for the resolution of a conflict or disagreement.
Here's what I said. A good marriage (in the ultimate sense of the word, "good") requires - from both individuals - a complete self-denial and unconditional preference for the other's benefits and desires above their own. In order for there to be a truly good marriage, both people must deny their needs, wants, and preferences, for the needs, wants, and preferences of their spouse.
Interestingly, when this is occurring, the result may often be the same as it would be in a relationship where each spouse is compromising and meeting the other half way. So, if you end up in the same place, why bother opting for the harder of the two. One requires little sacrifice - really only when there is a conflict of interest which may only occasionally arise. The other requires a complete change of mindset that governs your entire married relationship.
There are at least two reasons for the believer to opt for the harder of the two practices.
The first is that the harder of the two requires the help of the Holy Spirit and accomplishes what Romans 8:29 promises: to make us more like Christ and therefore, honoring and glorifying the Lord (which is the purpose mentioned in v. 28). The easier of the two options still leaves room for some selfishness. If two people are meeting half way, they can keep around 50% of their self-interest against the interest of the other person. Yeah, it's better than 100% selfishness... I guess.
The second reason the believer should opt for the harder of the two is simple. The journey towards resolution is a joy to travel. While you're preferring your spouse and you see your spouse is preferring you, you can't help but love each more deeply for two reasons. The first is simple: it's easy to love someone that loves you selflessly. The second is deeper: it's an immense pleasure to love someone who loves his/her (and your) Savior so obediently that it governs all they do.
In the end, God is glorified and magnified. And, as believers, if God is our supreme treasure, what better reason to do anything?
It has been so long since I've posted. And that's because a lot has been happening. I won't go through everything, but know that I have been challenged in many good ways to be more organized with my time, more intentional with my decisions, and more thankful for my husband's free time.
Though there really is tons I would like to share, this post is really the result of a conversation I had last week and my own contemplation that has ensued from it.
Last week, after church, I went to lunch with a friend of mine and a friend of hers. The latter had recently been through a difficult break up with a long time boyfriend and asked me a poignant question. She asked, "Would you say that a good marriage requires both individuals compromising and meeting in the middle when they disagree." I said, "No."
This may come as a shock. On the surface, it would seem that the answer should be "yes" as a peaceful marriage does require selflessness from both husband and wife. But let me explain why I responded in the negative and what it was I said a good marriage required.
*Please note that in this particular scenario, there was an understanding that we were talking about a Christian marriage, though I don't think it would surprise anyone for me to say that a Christian marriage is the type that is most pleasurable to be in anyway.*
Firstly, it's important to define "good." The reason this is important because it was a significant condition in the phrasing of the question. I don't doubt that there are many decent, peaceful, and even pleasurable marriages where compromise and "meeting in the middle" are common place. But how I define the word "good" is why that mode of conflict resolution is insufficient.
I'm talking about "good" in the most ultimate sense of the word - in the sense the bible talks about when it talks about good for believers. Yes, I'm going there. We all know the verse right? :
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose
Romans 8:28
Ok well, that's all well and... er... good. But that doesn't really tell us what the "good" is for the believers that love God (which, by definition, is all believers, by the way).
The answer comes in verse 29:
For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.
Here's the "good" that is resulting from God working all our circumstances towards: our sanctification - our conformation to the image of his Son.
So, back to the original question. Does a good marriage require individuals compromise to meet in the middle for the resolution of a conflict or disagreement.
Here's what I said. A good marriage (in the ultimate sense of the word, "good") requires - from both individuals - a complete self-denial and unconditional preference for the other's benefits and desires above their own. In order for there to be a truly good marriage, both people must deny their needs, wants, and preferences, for the needs, wants, and preferences of their spouse.
Interestingly, when this is occurring, the result may often be the same as it would be in a relationship where each spouse is compromising and meeting the other half way. So, if you end up in the same place, why bother opting for the harder of the two. One requires little sacrifice - really only when there is a conflict of interest which may only occasionally arise. The other requires a complete change of mindset that governs your entire married relationship.
There are at least two reasons for the believer to opt for the harder of the two practices.
The first is that the harder of the two requires the help of the Holy Spirit and accomplishes what Romans 8:29 promises: to make us more like Christ and therefore, honoring and glorifying the Lord (which is the purpose mentioned in v. 28). The easier of the two options still leaves room for some selfishness. If two people are meeting half way, they can keep around 50% of their self-interest against the interest of the other person. Yeah, it's better than 100% selfishness... I guess.
The second reason the believer should opt for the harder of the two is simple. The journey towards resolution is a joy to travel. While you're preferring your spouse and you see your spouse is preferring you, you can't help but love each more deeply for two reasons. The first is simple: it's easy to love someone that loves you selflessly. The second is deeper: it's an immense pleasure to love someone who loves his/her (and your) Savior so obediently that it governs all they do.
In the end, God is glorified and magnified. And, as believers, if God is our supreme treasure, what better reason to do anything?
Friday, September 28, 2012
Apologizing is for Cowards
Sergio and I have a lot of the same interests. We have very similar tastes in music, movies, foods, and hobbies. In addition to this, our personalities can be very similar as well. We're both down-to-earth people and (relatively) slow to anger. However, we do have very different strengths and weaknesses. When we don't submit to passivity in the battles against our sin, our differences are usually very complementary. Where I am weak, he is strong and what he lacks, I supply. Wind beneath wings and all that.
Problems arise when we do give into complacency and become passive about our sin. Then those differences turn into irritations and those irritations turn into disagreements. And sometimes, disagreements turn into unkind words/behavior and hurt feelings. At that point, the one who did the hurting has a decision to make: to apologize or to seek forgiveness.
Apologizing and seeking forgiveness are NOT the same thing. I've been thinking carefully about what exactly I would say in this post. In my contemplation of this over the last few days, I've come up with three ways apologizing and seeking forgiveness are not the same thing and one very ultimate reason why those differences matter.
The first way apologizing isn't the same as seeking forgiveness is that apologizing is comparatively easy whereas real forgiveness is difficult. Depending on the offense, real forgiveness (both seeking it and granting it) can sometimes feel impossible. To fully understand this, it's important to understand what forgiveness looks like. Genuine forgiveness (and really, there is no other kind) requires more of both parties than apologizing does. For the guilty party, it requires an acknowledgement of their fault that resulted in them somehow wronging the other person and it requires a sincere grief for doing so. For the wronged party, forgiveness requires them to let go of their offense, a denial of themselves, and a restoration of the relationship to the harmonious state it was in before the offense occurred. For both parties, seeking forgiveness requires humility and self-denial in the name of love.
Given that clarification, here's another distinction between apologizing and seeking forgiveness. Apologizing has the veneer of forgiveness, but really only requires the offender to state facts and requires little to nothing of the offended. Here's what I mean. To be able to say "I apologized," all one has to do is state a fact: that they are sorry for what they did or for how something turned out. Have you ever gotten an "apology" something like this? "I'm sorry I made you feel horrible, but you shouldn't have provoked me." I've unfortunately been on the giving end of that conversation. That may fit the requirements of an apology. I really was sorry my actions resulted they way they did. But that isn't a pursuit of forgiveness. I was not acknowledging my own sin and fault as being behind the action. Or maybe you've gotten an apology like this, "I'm sorry for I have wronged you" and nothing more is said on the subject. That's pretty lame if you ask me. The restoration process has only started and then it is abandoned usually because actually finishing the process is awkward and uncomfortable. Seeking forgiveness requires an evaluation of your own heart before you seek to make things right with the person you've wronged. It's not enough to chalk it up to being a sinner. (Though that's true). There's some disconnect with what we believe and how we're living that resulted in us sinning against a particular person in a particular way. Forgivess demands an introspective inquiry of your relationship before God and how it must be somehow distorted or tainted in that it resulted in your selfishness at the expense of someone else and how that result now needs to be discounted if the relationship is to be restored. And that discounting is in the hands of the offended. Forgiveness requires the offended to deny (not as a result of naivety, but as a result of conscious refusal to retain) their desire to hold on to that grudge. It requires them to be rid of the offense now and forever and not allow it to influence their love for the person that offended them. It seems unfair to the offended and too good to be true for the offender, but it's essential to all relationships because in all human relationships, each party plays each role at some point.
The last way these two are vastly different is in what each accomplishes. Though it may not be the intention of someone apologizing, apologies are very self-serving. It is usually driven by a desire to absolve the guilt felt in the situation, not necessarily a desire to see a relationship restored. I have apologized to people because I knew I wouldn't stop feeling bad if I didn't. Who wants to hear an apology motivated by self-interest? The pursuit of forgiveness however is restorative. It erases the offense and therefore returns the relationship to the state it was in before the offense. Not only that, both parties have the security to know that the offense will not be brought up again to be thrown in anyone's face or used to "win" an argument.
Why does all this matter? Because for those of us who have a relationship to Jesus Christ, we have been forgiven of offenses that are innumerable and should condemn us to hell. Proper forgiveness of people is a reflection of perfect forgiveness we have by God in Christ. We didn't come to God and receive forgiveness just by saying, "I'm sorry" through a superficial apology because we felt bad. We came to God and received forgiveness because of our faith in Christ's power to pay for the sins we committed that stored up God's wrath against us. He removed our iniquities from us and grant us an inheritance which we profoundly do not deserve. With that forgiveness, how can we pridefully choose to merely "apologize" when we can seek forgiveness. And with God's divine forgiveness of a debt worthy of hell, how can we not bountifully forgive those who sin against us? When we understand this, relationship with the King and relationships with one another are radically affected and infected with joy.
Some good verses to meditate on:
"I will be merciful towards their inequities, and I will remember their sin no more." Hebrews 8:12
"...as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:12
"I therefore, a prisoner of the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing one another in love eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, you also must forgive." Colossians 3:12-13
Problems arise when we do give into complacency and become passive about our sin. Then those differences turn into irritations and those irritations turn into disagreements. And sometimes, disagreements turn into unkind words/behavior and hurt feelings. At that point, the one who did the hurting has a decision to make: to apologize or to seek forgiveness.
Apologizing and seeking forgiveness are NOT the same thing. I've been thinking carefully about what exactly I would say in this post. In my contemplation of this over the last few days, I've come up with three ways apologizing and seeking forgiveness are not the same thing and one very ultimate reason why those differences matter.
The first way apologizing isn't the same as seeking forgiveness is that apologizing is comparatively easy whereas real forgiveness is difficult. Depending on the offense, real forgiveness (both seeking it and granting it) can sometimes feel impossible. To fully understand this, it's important to understand what forgiveness looks like. Genuine forgiveness (and really, there is no other kind) requires more of both parties than apologizing does. For the guilty party, it requires an acknowledgement of their fault that resulted in them somehow wronging the other person and it requires a sincere grief for doing so. For the wronged party, forgiveness requires them to let go of their offense, a denial of themselves, and a restoration of the relationship to the harmonious state it was in before the offense occurred. For both parties, seeking forgiveness requires humility and self-denial in the name of love.
Given that clarification, here's another distinction between apologizing and seeking forgiveness. Apologizing has the veneer of forgiveness, but really only requires the offender to state facts and requires little to nothing of the offended. Here's what I mean. To be able to say "I apologized," all one has to do is state a fact: that they are sorry for what they did or for how something turned out. Have you ever gotten an "apology" something like this? "I'm sorry I made you feel horrible, but you shouldn't have provoked me." I've unfortunately been on the giving end of that conversation. That may fit the requirements of an apology. I really was sorry my actions resulted they way they did. But that isn't a pursuit of forgiveness. I was not acknowledging my own sin and fault as being behind the action. Or maybe you've gotten an apology like this, "I'm sorry for I have wronged you" and nothing more is said on the subject. That's pretty lame if you ask me. The restoration process has only started and then it is abandoned usually because actually finishing the process is awkward and uncomfortable. Seeking forgiveness requires an evaluation of your own heart before you seek to make things right with the person you've wronged. It's not enough to chalk it up to being a sinner. (Though that's true). There's some disconnect with what we believe and how we're living that resulted in us sinning against a particular person in a particular way. Forgivess demands an introspective inquiry of your relationship before God and how it must be somehow distorted or tainted in that it resulted in your selfishness at the expense of someone else and how that result now needs to be discounted if the relationship is to be restored. And that discounting is in the hands of the offended. Forgiveness requires the offended to deny (not as a result of naivety, but as a result of conscious refusal to retain) their desire to hold on to that grudge. It requires them to be rid of the offense now and forever and not allow it to influence their love for the person that offended them. It seems unfair to the offended and too good to be true for the offender, but it's essential to all relationships because in all human relationships, each party plays each role at some point.
The last way these two are vastly different is in what each accomplishes. Though it may not be the intention of someone apologizing, apologies are very self-serving. It is usually driven by a desire to absolve the guilt felt in the situation, not necessarily a desire to see a relationship restored. I have apologized to people because I knew I wouldn't stop feeling bad if I didn't. Who wants to hear an apology motivated by self-interest? The pursuit of forgiveness however is restorative. It erases the offense and therefore returns the relationship to the state it was in before the offense. Not only that, both parties have the security to know that the offense will not be brought up again to be thrown in anyone's face or used to "win" an argument.
Why does all this matter? Because for those of us who have a relationship to Jesus Christ, we have been forgiven of offenses that are innumerable and should condemn us to hell. Proper forgiveness of people is a reflection of perfect forgiveness we have by God in Christ. We didn't come to God and receive forgiveness just by saying, "I'm sorry" through a superficial apology because we felt bad. We came to God and received forgiveness because of our faith in Christ's power to pay for the sins we committed that stored up God's wrath against us. He removed our iniquities from us and grant us an inheritance which we profoundly do not deserve. With that forgiveness, how can we pridefully choose to merely "apologize" when we can seek forgiveness. And with God's divine forgiveness of a debt worthy of hell, how can we not bountifully forgive those who sin against us? When we understand this, relationship with the King and relationships with one another are radically affected and infected with joy.
Some good verses to meditate on:
"I will be merciful towards their inequities, and I will remember their sin no more." Hebrews 8:12
"...as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:12
"I therefore, a prisoner of the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing one another in love eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, you also must forgive." Colossians 3:12-13
Friday, September 14, 2012
Working through 2 Peter
As I said in my last post, I've begun a
study of 2 Peter. As of now, I don't exactly know to what extent I'm
going to share what I'm learning as I study through this book. I
think that for today, I'll point out things about the text that I
thought were particularly interesting or stirring. Maybe after that,
I'll go into some practical implications.
Fair disclaimer, I don't at all claim
to be an expositor, as it were. There are plenty of qualified men for
that. Like I said before, this is part journal, part insight into my
learning process.
The text before me was this (2 Peter
1:1-2):
Simon Peter, a servant and apostle
of Jesus Christ, To those who have obtained a faith of equal standing
with ours by the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ:
May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and
of Jesus our Lord.
What? That's it?
Yep, It sure is.
Things that stood
out
- The ESV says “servant,” but it is more appropriately translated “slave.” So, Simon Peter calls himself a slave before he calls himself an apostle. Keep in mind that in this culture, slaves were considered as lowly and as valuable as animals. They were very simply, tools to be used and owned. Peter considers himself a tool at the disposal of God. So that which is generally demeaning in a social setting is spiritually honorable. To be God's slave is cause for honor.
- This is true because it comes before the title of “apostle” which was undoubtedly honorable. This is a title that few people were able to lay claim to. (And one that no one has a right to claim today). An apostle was a follower and witness of the risen Christ.… and yet, he calls himself a slave first!
In his commentary
to 2 Peter, John MacArthur says this, “Peter, in presenting himself
in these terms sets a pattern for all in spiritual leadership: the
submissive, sacrificial anonymity of a slave combined with the
dignity, significance, and authority of an apostle.”
I thought that was
an interesting juxtaposition.
- In his introduction, he says, “To those who have obtained a faith of equal standing with ours...”Ahh! There's so much in here!
- Firstly, Peter's letter is to the same believers as 1 Peter is.
- Secondly, these same believers “have obtained a faith.” This is also translated as “have received.” Apparently, the verb in the greek that is being translated is “lagchano” which means “to gain by divine will or by the giving of by an allotment.” So, it's not something obtained by human means (effort, fortitude, will, discipline, worthiness, etc). It is a faith that is received by humans, given by God's allotment and sovereign will.
- Thirdly, “a faith” refers to the subjective power of the Christian to believe the gospel for salvation.
- Fourthly it is said to be “of equal standing.” This is likely talking about the equality of the gentiles' ability to believe the gospel for salvation as the Jews' ability to believe the gospel for salvation. Peter, a Jew, writing to gentiles, is making it clear that the faith they have that causes them to believe the gospel which results in their salvation is of equal worthiness to his faith that causes him to believe the gospel which results in his salvation. So, there is no distinction between Jew or gentile. (Also see Galatians 3:28)
- So basically, to those who have (by allotment) received the ability to believe the saving truth of the gospel that is of equal standing to all other who have done so, have done all this “by the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ.”
- Sinners have access to God and eternal life not because of their own goodness/righteousness, but because IN their belief of the gospel (the work of Jesus on the cross and His resurrection), we are given Christ's righteousness. Jesus imputes his righteousness to our credit, erasing our sins (past and future) from our slate, thus making us acceptable to God.
- Another interesting thing to note here: “God and Savior Jesus Christ” are not two different people. “God and Savior” both are descriptive terms of “Jesus Christ.” He is both God AND Savior.
On to
verse two's observations....
- The substance/aftermath of the salvation found in verse one is grace and peace. (Romans 5:1-2).
- Grace (charis) – “God's free, unmerited favor towards sinners, which grants those who believe the gospel complete forgiveness forever through the Lord Jesus Christ.”
- Peace (eirene) - “peace with God and from Him in all life's circumstances I the effect of grace.”
- All of this grace and peace comes from the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.
- As our knowledge of God and Jesus grows (which can only be obtained through the objective truths found in scripture) our understanding and appreciation of grace grows and therefore peace abounds.
So
some personal implications? You'll have to draw your own applications, but for me, I've recently (VERY recently... since... yesterday) been thinking through what to do with my time. Do I look for full time work? Do I enjoy some of the freedom Sergio's income is allowing me to read, write, attend classes at church? I actually found myself feeling a bit of anxiety over this last night. It took me about 30-45 minutes to fall asleep because I just kept running different scenarios/for-instances in my head. The reality that you can have either money OR time (never both) was a heavy burden.
I still can't say yet that I've decided for sure, but meditating on this scripture has helped. I can't tell you how easy it is to let yourself run wild with emotions, make rash decisions based solely on circumstance, or consider yourself discontent because your soul is unsettled. The only way to fight this tug to lose your mind with worry and doubt is to remind yourself what is TRUE - not what/how you feel in the moment.
So, last night (and it was a struggle, because all I wanted to do was meditate on the "what ifs") I had to continue to remind myself that:
1. I'm Christ's tool. I was bought with a price and I'm not my own. Hammers don't go running around looking for something to hammer. Its master will move it when it needs. It should be still until then.
2. I am a joint heir with Christ. My salvation is secure in Christ and so I already have the kingdom. Financial circumstances are temporary and never a justification for anxiety in light of this truth!
3. God's grace is sufficient.
4. I should have peace in my heart.
Knowing these things and living them are two different things. But when I remind myself of what I know instead of focusing on what I feel, living them out comes naturally.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Rebranding
Why am I doing any of this? I think
it's good to take a step back from things every once in a while and
reassess why you do the things you do to ensure your heart is still
in the right place (assuming it was in the right place to begin
with). In the last post, I mentioned that I'm thankful for this blog
and a couple of reasons why I'm thankful for it. But I have had to
really take a step back and examine and refocus my purpose and intent
for this blog. Being thankful for something you do and knowing why
you're doing it are two very different things.
After thinking about it for a day or
two, I still found myself questioning for what/whom I was doing this.
But I think the answer was kind of staring me in the face the whole
time. It says at the top of this page, “What it means to be a
woman, a wife, and a student from a sinner that's still learning.”
That's it! (Duh?) Yes, this whole blog is part journaling and part
writing for those interested in my own learning process of life. But
my desire is really for it to be (or become) an encouragement to
people (particularly – but not limited – to women) who either
find themselves in similar stages of life, or can look back to the
time when they have been in these stages and can relate in one way or
another. I pray that the main reason why it can be an encouragement
is because it points to the limitless God who is bigger than our
circumstances, stages, and preconceived notions of reality.
What it means to be a woman, a wife,
and a student are all different, and yet they're all connected by
what it means to be part of the creation of God. Each are manifested
differently, but all serve one purpose. That purpose is the
glorification of that Creator. As a woman, it is my role to make God
look great. As a wife, it is my job to make God look great. As a
student, it is my duty to make God look great. In each role, the same
objective is (ought to be) completed, but it is done so in different
ways.
Sometimes, probably more often that I
ought, I'll write about circumstance. Other times I'll write about
other things like cooking, work, my home, etc. But I would hope that
the bulk of this blog is to point people to Jesus, encourage them
through the stages I'm familiar with (I probably won't write about
motherhood anytime soon), and help them learn about what an amazing
Lord we have and the immeasurable joy that is available only through
a relationship with Him. I do pray that as the experiences of life
give me more insight into areas of which right now I'm unfamiliar, my
motivation for blogging through it all will be the same.
Stay tuned for the first post on my
study of 2 Peter. (It's coming. Soon. No, seriously, check back by
Friday).
Thursday, September 6, 2012
The Post to be Named Later
I'm thankful I have a blog for several reasons. I think the foremost is that I don't want to ever lose the writing muscle that I've built up over the years. Writing definitely is a discipline. Like all disciplines, they must be exercised and refined. I love writing. I love writing without an academic prompt imposed by a professor. When I liked the prompt, I enjoyed that writing process as well.
There are a few dangers to writing in a public spectrum like this for yourself without clear parameters given by someone else. There is the danger of over-sharing. Very few of you want to know what I had for breakfast this morning. Actually, none of you should want to know that. That's creepy. Also, those in my inner circle (my husband, family, closest friends) would probably appreciate a certain degree of discretion on my part when I write about conversations or interactions I've had with them. There are certain aspects of life that are either uninteresting or inappropriate to share in the context of a public blog.
Another danger is prattling on about things that are trite and lacking of any real benefit. With all the things competing for place in our thoughts, I would hate to think that frivolous utterings (or worse, something potentially harmful) from me would set up residence in anyone's mind in place of something potentially edifying or helpful. I think my precaution for this danger has prevented me from many blogs. There have been countless times when I thought to myself, "I should write about that." And then I realize that it wouldn't be profitable and so I opt out. There have been times that my concern for this danger made me second-guess some posts. Anytime I begin to second-guess something, I take the safe route and promptly delete it. (If any of you were wondering what happened to certain posts you were certain were once there, the mystery has been solved).
So what's personal and at the same time edifying?
The Word of God, of course! :)
I'll be the first to admit (to my shame), that my time with the Lord in scripture is not at all organized and disciplined. When I go to scripture, it's usually to answer a very specific question. It's usually a theological question. I'll look for passages that specifically pertain to what I'm wondering. When I find them, I'll look at the context in which it is placed and verify that it actually is an answer to my question, not one that I have manipulated to seem like an answer. Then I'll go to Grace to You or Desiring God to listen to a sermon on that passage to make sure my quest has led me to the right place.
This has been helpful in many ways, but it definitely does not replace a quiet time of study and learning of our Lord by reading through a book or books of the Bible to see how He has revealed himself to us in the way He intends for us to learn about Him.
I've recently begun a study of the book of Second Peter. I chose 2 Peter because of its emphasis on growth in personal knowledge of God. (Just what I was talking about, right?) I definitely have a tendency to read scripture to look for defenses/evidences of my own theological inclinations. And though I'm not advocating ignorance of theology, I realized that a lot of what I was looking for was validation. But really, why should I care if I'M validated in my thinking? Yes, that sounds weird. Yes, being right is important when you're soul is at stake. But that's not what I'm talking about. What good is it if I can say, "Irresistible grace is clearly evident in verse so-and-so" if I'm not personally developing my relationship with the One who has so bountifully poured out that grace that was impossible for me to resist?
I think I was driven by a fear of being confronted by false teachers that I wanted to have a response supported by scripture to refute them. But, as 2 Peter points out, the best way to do this is not to be able to know the ins and outs of (and stay true to) any theological system per se, but to be so deeply rooted in the knowledge of who God is and your own salvation, that error is obvious. Error would be obvious to me not because of my knowledge of a system, but because of my knowledge of the character of God. The difference is subtle. But it's there. If it's hard to grasp by anyone reading, I'm probably just not doing a good job of articulating the contrasting pursuits. I guess the nitty gritty of it is the pursuit of knowledge of arguments vs. the pursuit of knowledge of God. I hope that makes sense.
So, I hope to kind of journal about what I'm learning through 2 Peter over the next several weeks/months (who knows how long it'll take!)
This post is just to serve as an introduction that would shed light on the shift of my mindset. Let's just say that the first two verses alone deserve an entire post for another time. A time that is coming soon, I'm sure.
There are a few dangers to writing in a public spectrum like this for yourself without clear parameters given by someone else. There is the danger of over-sharing. Very few of you want to know what I had for breakfast this morning. Actually, none of you should want to know that. That's creepy. Also, those in my inner circle (my husband, family, closest friends) would probably appreciate a certain degree of discretion on my part when I write about conversations or interactions I've had with them. There are certain aspects of life that are either uninteresting or inappropriate to share in the context of a public blog.
Another danger is prattling on about things that are trite and lacking of any real benefit. With all the things competing for place in our thoughts, I would hate to think that frivolous utterings (or worse, something potentially harmful) from me would set up residence in anyone's mind in place of something potentially edifying or helpful. I think my precaution for this danger has prevented me from many blogs. There have been countless times when I thought to myself, "I should write about that." And then I realize that it wouldn't be profitable and so I opt out. There have been times that my concern for this danger made me second-guess some posts. Anytime I begin to second-guess something, I take the safe route and promptly delete it. (If any of you were wondering what happened to certain posts you were certain were once there, the mystery has been solved).
So what's personal and at the same time edifying?
The Word of God, of course! :)
I'll be the first to admit (to my shame), that my time with the Lord in scripture is not at all organized and disciplined. When I go to scripture, it's usually to answer a very specific question. It's usually a theological question. I'll look for passages that specifically pertain to what I'm wondering. When I find them, I'll look at the context in which it is placed and verify that it actually is an answer to my question, not one that I have manipulated to seem like an answer. Then I'll go to Grace to You or Desiring God to listen to a sermon on that passage to make sure my quest has led me to the right place.
This has been helpful in many ways, but it definitely does not replace a quiet time of study and learning of our Lord by reading through a book or books of the Bible to see how He has revealed himself to us in the way He intends for us to learn about Him.
I've recently begun a study of the book of Second Peter. I chose 2 Peter because of its emphasis on growth in personal knowledge of God. (Just what I was talking about, right?) I definitely have a tendency to read scripture to look for defenses/evidences of my own theological inclinations. And though I'm not advocating ignorance of theology, I realized that a lot of what I was looking for was validation. But really, why should I care if I'M validated in my thinking? Yes, that sounds weird. Yes, being right is important when you're soul is at stake. But that's not what I'm talking about. What good is it if I can say, "Irresistible grace is clearly evident in verse so-and-so" if I'm not personally developing my relationship with the One who has so bountifully poured out that grace that was impossible for me to resist?
I think I was driven by a fear of being confronted by false teachers that I wanted to have a response supported by scripture to refute them. But, as 2 Peter points out, the best way to do this is not to be able to know the ins and outs of (and stay true to) any theological system per se, but to be so deeply rooted in the knowledge of who God is and your own salvation, that error is obvious. Error would be obvious to me not because of my knowledge of a system, but because of my knowledge of the character of God. The difference is subtle. But it's there. If it's hard to grasp by anyone reading, I'm probably just not doing a good job of articulating the contrasting pursuits. I guess the nitty gritty of it is the pursuit of knowledge of arguments vs. the pursuit of knowledge of God. I hope that makes sense.
So, I hope to kind of journal about what I'm learning through 2 Peter over the next several weeks/months (who knows how long it'll take!)
This post is just to serve as an introduction that would shed light on the shift of my mindset. Let's just say that the first two verses alone deserve an entire post for another time. A time that is coming soon, I'm sure.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
A Thought I Had
This is going to be a quick entry, but I had a thought earlier today. It really is silly that we're often surprised, disappointed, angry when our plans don't fall through. Isn't it silly?
I mean, where did we ever get the notion that by simply making plans, we've entered into some cosmic contract that validates our disappointment when they don't happen?
Silly. Just silly.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
My Summer Reading List
I've never really been a fan of summer until very recently. I think the fact that I don't have another semester waiting for me at the end of August is a significant factor in my new-found taste for the season. A few people have asked me what I'm doing with all my free time now that I don't have school. Besides the time I give to work and housework, deciding what to do with my time is pretty easy. Now that I am no longer obligated to read, I'm choosing to read! :)
I do have a couple of fun (what I consider fun) projects lined up for the summer such as organizing my spices, reformatting my Alice paper to APA for journal submission, studying some kinesiology for better workouts, working on our budgets, and trying out some new recipes. But, I hold onto all of these projects with a loose grip. I don't ever want to feel any type of bondage to them. I think it's very easy for me to make myself a slave to projects. (Which is ironic because even though I do, they sometimes don't get done). Just goes to show how naturally our hearts incline to anything other than Jesus. But I'm realizing that I can have these things planned loosely or "theoretically." By this, I mean, I would like all of these things to get done, but I'm not going to commit myself to them so wholeheartedly that I'd be disappointed with myself if they don't get done.
The same is true for my summer reading list. I have a handful of books that I'm reading and hope to read this summer. This will be more easily accomplished as I don't really have a deadline for the end of summer, haha! - My summer can end around October ;) Here's the list (in no particular order).
1. N.D. Wilson's 100 Cupboards series.
This series lies somewhere in between young adult and children's
literature. It's a little too intense for younger children, but doesn't
deal too much with the coming-of-age issues that a piece of out and out
YAL would. I have read the first two installments of this series, 100 Cupboards, and Dandelion Fire. I'm currently making my way through The Chestnut King. The
series is about a 12 year old boy named Henry York. He is spending the
summer on his uncle's farm in Kansas when he, in his attic bedroom,
discovers a wall full of small cupboards. As the story unfolds, Henry
finds that each cupboard is a doorway into a different world. As he
discovers this, he unleashes a powerful evil that he and his family must
spend the rest of the series fighting to conquer.
2. C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity. If you know even a little about me, you know I'm a Lewis fan. I'm considering naming our next dog Clive. I first read this book about six years ago. I remember kind of zooming through it. Since then, I've learned that you don't ever (EVER) zoom through Lewis. Lewis is meant to be mulled over. Savored. Enjoyed. I always read a Lewis book on my "breaks." But I don't really have breaks anymore, so I'm just making my way down a check list of Lewis books. There are still plenty I have to read before I can happily say I've read every thing Lewis ever had published, but I do feel that without slowly and carefully re-reading this monumental Christian work, I'd be doing myself a disservice if I continued on to other Lewis books. Here are just a couple of rich quotes (of which there are several):
3. Tedd Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart. I began this parenting book earlier in the year but had to put it down because of the silly demands of school. Reading my required texts for CSUN was definitely a wiser use of my time in that season of life -- especially when the alternative is a parenting book and I'm not even pregnant yet.
This book is filled (FILLED) with biblical wisdom with regards to child-rearing. I've always kind of laughed when I thought about "book parents." But then I realized that books are really one of the biggest sources of superficial comfort for me. And that the greatest book of all is my greatest source of profound, unshakeable (and sometimes difficult) spiritual comfort. While I still kind of feel that parents who rely on every new pop-psychological parenting theory for comfort are a bit silly, I don't think this book is one of those. This book does a great job of explaining and laying out what God has intended for the role of parents. It consistently points to scripture (which, ultimately, is really the only authority on anything and everything), and gives practical insight and application. Spoiler alert: discipline is not an option, and neither is diligent communication. There's so much more beyond that as it gets age-specific in the latter half, but that really is the bread and butter of it.
I'm almost done with it and am SO glad I am a highlighting and note-taking type of reader because this is a book that I know I'm going to refer to often for many many many years to come. Here's a taste of the blessings and bits of encouragement (and conviction!) I've received:
"All behavior is linked to attitudes of the heart. Therefore, discipline must address attitudes of the heart. This understanding does marvelous things for discipline. It makes the heart the issue, not just the behavior. It focuses correction on deeper things than changed behavior... Your concern is to unmask your child's sin, helping him to understand how it reflects a heart that has strayed. That leads to the cross of Christ. It underscores the need for a Savior. It provides opportunities to show the glories of God who sent his Son to change hearts and free people enslaved to sin."
"In short, you must learn to engage them, not just reprove them. Help them see the ways that they are trying to slake their souls' thirst with that which cannot satisfy. You must help your kids gain a clear focus on the cross of Christ."
"The parent must be aware of the fact that he is God's representative to the child. I know of no realization that will sober and humble the parent like this one."
"If correction orbits around the parent who has been offended, then the focus will be venting anger or, perhaps, taking vengeance. The function is punitive. If, however, correction orbits around God as the one offended, then the focus is restoration. The function is remedial. It is designed to move a child who has disobeyed God back to the path of obedience."
One last one, though there are so many great quotes.
"Teaching your children to live for the glory of God must be your overarching objective. You must teach your children that as for them, as for all of mankind, life is found in knowing and serving the true and living God. The only worthy goal for life is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever."
If you have kids, are about to have kids, want to have kids, are curious about what Christian parenting ought to look like, or want to know what the Bible says about the most important job in the world, I can't recommend this book highly enough.
4. John Piper's Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist. This is probably John Piper's most influential and popular book. I started reading this a little less than two years ago. I can't remember why I put it down, but I know it was a really foolish reason (it must have been) and so, it's time to pick it back up again! It really is difficult to summarize what this book does in such a small space. As I am looking through the parts of the book I've read for highlighted excerpts, I find that I can't select just a couple to indicate to you how rich, profound, enjoyable, soul-shaking, mind-blowing, joy-stirring, and overall wow this book is. I think this one and Mere Christianity tie for "books you have to read as soon as possible." It's not short. And it's not easy. But it's fulfilling. It is more than satisfying. It inspires to stand in awe in Jesus (and to find joy immeasurable in doing so). For those who love God, it is a feast for the soul.
That's all for now. These are the most pressing books on my list. I have several more. But these are the ones I've started and so, must finish. I've realized that somewhere down the line, I have become a bookworm. As a kid, I hated reading. Now, I'm not satisfied if I'm not in the process of reading at least two books at a time. Yes, I know, two books isn't all that much, but unfortunately I'm an incredibly slow reader. (This has been the bane of my academic career). So I can't really take more than two at a time without getting scatter brained and not really appreciating either book. I'm nearly done with the third N.D. Wilson book and Tedd Tripp's. I have a feeling I'll have to take Lewis and Piper individually.
I want to know what you're reading/you have read that you found has been either just a fun read, or a marrow-piercing blessing to your soul.
I do have a couple of fun (what I consider fun) projects lined up for the summer such as organizing my spices, reformatting my Alice paper to APA for journal submission, studying some kinesiology for better workouts, working on our budgets, and trying out some new recipes. But, I hold onto all of these projects with a loose grip. I don't ever want to feel any type of bondage to them. I think it's very easy for me to make myself a slave to projects. (Which is ironic because even though I do, they sometimes don't get done). Just goes to show how naturally our hearts incline to anything other than Jesus. But I'm realizing that I can have these things planned loosely or "theoretically." By this, I mean, I would like all of these things to get done, but I'm not going to commit myself to them so wholeheartedly that I'd be disappointed with myself if they don't get done.
The same is true for my summer reading list. I have a handful of books that I'm reading and hope to read this summer. This will be more easily accomplished as I don't really have a deadline for the end of summer, haha! - My summer can end around October ;) Here's the list (in no particular order).
Why I'm reading it: I loved (LOVED) N.D. Wilson's Notes from the Tilt-a-Whirl. That was not a fantasy tale. It falls on the side of apologetics. Let me give you a taste of his writing style from Notes: "Imagine a poem written with such enormous three-dimensional words that we had to invent a smaller word to reference each of the big ones; that we had to rewrite the whole thing in shorthand, smashing it into two dimensions, just to talk about it. Or don't imagine. Look outside. Human language is our attempt at navigating God's language; it is us running between the lines of His epic, climbing on the vowels and building houses out of the consonants."
Though this series isn't allegorical, per se, there definitely are characters that embody Christian characteristics and obstacles that remind the reader of the detriments of sin. At the beginning of the series, I found myself looking back to catch what I must have missed, and I honestly think those times were Wilson's fault. But! Not only did the writing get considerably tighter, the story was enough to keep me engaged despite interruptions of confusion.
Originally, I only had the first installment on my reading list. But after I finished it, there was no way I could continue without finishing all three books. Wilson has been called the modern-day C.S. Lewis. I don't know about THAT, but there are some Lewis-ish qualities about him. What a great segway to my next book....
2. C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity. If you know even a little about me, you know I'm a Lewis fan. I'm considering naming our next dog Clive. I first read this book about six years ago. I remember kind of zooming through it. Since then, I've learned that you don't ever (EVER) zoom through Lewis. Lewis is meant to be mulled over. Savored. Enjoyed. I always read a Lewis book on my "breaks." But I don't really have breaks anymore, so I'm just making my way down a check list of Lewis books. There are still plenty I have to read before I can happily say I've read every thing Lewis ever had published, but I do feel that without slowly and carefully re-reading this monumental Christian work, I'd be doing myself a disservice if I continued on to other Lewis books. Here are just a couple of rich quotes (of which there are several):
"My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust?"
"A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you."
"And out of that hopeless attempt has come nearly all that we call human history - money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery - the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."
My mom was the one who got me started with Lewis. She has loved to read his books for as far back as I can remember and when I was a child, she read the first two Narnia books to me. It was because of that warm memory of childhood that I knew C.S. Lewis would always be a significant part of my literary life. Speaking of childhood....
My mom was the one who got me started with Lewis. She has loved to read his books for as far back as I can remember and when I was a child, she read the first two Narnia books to me. It was because of that warm memory of childhood that I knew C.S. Lewis would always be a significant part of my literary life. Speaking of childhood....
3. Tedd Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart. I began this parenting book earlier in the year but had to put it down because of the silly demands of school. Reading my required texts for CSUN was definitely a wiser use of my time in that season of life -- especially when the alternative is a parenting book and I'm not even pregnant yet.This book is filled (FILLED) with biblical wisdom with regards to child-rearing. I've always kind of laughed when I thought about "book parents." But then I realized that books are really one of the biggest sources of superficial comfort for me. And that the greatest book of all is my greatest source of profound, unshakeable (and sometimes difficult) spiritual comfort. While I still kind of feel that parents who rely on every new pop-psychological parenting theory for comfort are a bit silly, I don't think this book is one of those. This book does a great job of explaining and laying out what God has intended for the role of parents. It consistently points to scripture (which, ultimately, is really the only authority on anything and everything), and gives practical insight and application. Spoiler alert: discipline is not an option, and neither is diligent communication. There's so much more beyond that as it gets age-specific in the latter half, but that really is the bread and butter of it.
I'm almost done with it and am SO glad I am a highlighting and note-taking type of reader because this is a book that I know I'm going to refer to often for many many many years to come. Here's a taste of the blessings and bits of encouragement (and conviction!) I've received:
"All behavior is linked to attitudes of the heart. Therefore, discipline must address attitudes of the heart. This understanding does marvelous things for discipline. It makes the heart the issue, not just the behavior. It focuses correction on deeper things than changed behavior... Your concern is to unmask your child's sin, helping him to understand how it reflects a heart that has strayed. That leads to the cross of Christ. It underscores the need for a Savior. It provides opportunities to show the glories of God who sent his Son to change hearts and free people enslaved to sin."
"In short, you must learn to engage them, not just reprove them. Help them see the ways that they are trying to slake their souls' thirst with that which cannot satisfy. You must help your kids gain a clear focus on the cross of Christ."
"The parent must be aware of the fact that he is God's representative to the child. I know of no realization that will sober and humble the parent like this one."
"If correction orbits around the parent who has been offended, then the focus will be venting anger or, perhaps, taking vengeance. The function is punitive. If, however, correction orbits around God as the one offended, then the focus is restoration. The function is remedial. It is designed to move a child who has disobeyed God back to the path of obedience."
One last one, though there are so many great quotes.
"Teaching your children to live for the glory of God must be your overarching objective. You must teach your children that as for them, as for all of mankind, life is found in knowing and serving the true and living God. The only worthy goal for life is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever."
If you have kids, are about to have kids, want to have kids, are curious about what Christian parenting ought to look like, or want to know what the Bible says about the most important job in the world, I can't recommend this book highly enough.
That's all for now. These are the most pressing books on my list. I have several more. But these are the ones I've started and so, must finish. I've realized that somewhere down the line, I have become a bookworm. As a kid, I hated reading. Now, I'm not satisfied if I'm not in the process of reading at least two books at a time. Yes, I know, two books isn't all that much, but unfortunately I'm an incredibly slow reader. (This has been the bane of my academic career). So I can't really take more than two at a time without getting scatter brained and not really appreciating either book. I'm nearly done with the third N.D. Wilson book and Tedd Tripp's. I have a feeling I'll have to take Lewis and Piper individually.
I want to know what you're reading/you have read that you found has been either just a fun read, or a marrow-piercing blessing to your soul.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Life is Happening
Things are happening. And yet, at the same time, they aren't. Let me explain.
My time at Cal State Northridge is wrapping up. I have to turn in an essay tomorrow, and take my last final on Friday morning. After Friday, my time as a Matador will be complete. And after the first week of July, when I finish my summer class at College of the Canyons, my degree will be complete.
Sergio will finish up taking his comps (hopefully) by the end of May and (probably) by the end of June. So, by the beginning of July, he will have his Masters in Physics, and I will have my Bachelors in English Literature. We will be done with that part of our lives!
Sergio and I got married when he started graduate school and when I was a sophomore in college. We've always been in school together thus far into our marriage. This is a new stage. This new stage is exciting, but at the same time, I find myself tempted to be anxious.
I have two jobs. One is at 24 Hour Fitness working at the front desk. The other is at Los Angeles City College in the writing center. My job at LACC ends with the school semester and depends on my full-time enrollment at a college or university. This job is also the major source of my income. At the end of their semester (which is in about two weeks) I will no longer have a job here and, unless I go to grad school, will not be able to gain employment from them again.
Sergio's current job at CSUN also ends with the school semester. (This job is the major source of our combined income). He will receive his last pay check in the month of July or August, I believe. Though he'll have some extra income in the month of June because he agreed to lecture a short summer class, he does not have any job security after that.
I am conflicted with the decision of what to do with myself. Honestly, I was hoping that I would be expecting by now so that the decision would be easy. But that is obviously not the Lord's plan for me yet. If I go to grad school, I'd have some job security in the coming semester. However, going to grad school would entail taking out a student loan, which I'm not sure I want to do.
I suppose this is every college grad's dilemma. I was actually getting overwhelmed by the uncertainty last week and earlier this week. I was feeling trapped and anxious. I wanted to cast my cares onto the Lord, but I started thinking, "Well, what if I get to the deadline for a decision regarding grad school and I still don't know the Lord's will for us yet?" I was letting that question consume me.
After some prayer and meditation on scripture, I realized that I don't need all the answers yet. If I really "cast my cares" on Him, I can't take them back. They're no longer mine. So what should I let consume my thoughts? Well, for starters, the things I know are demanding my attention now. My relationship with God, my husband, my final assignments, my home space, my budget, my health. These are plenty to keep my mind occupied. I'll continue to keep those other things in prayer, but they can't consume my meditations, or occupy space in my heart. They can't produce anxiety because they have been placed into the sovereignty of the Creator. That's where they were the whole time, I just kept wanting to take them from him. Anxiety is really just a produce of a lack of humility when you really think about it.
I would greatly appreciate your prayers regarding everything I've just mentioned. Things are uncertain, but God is greater than all of them. :)
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
My Idols
There are a little more than two weeks of school left in this semester. My last official day is May 18th. A few weeks ago, I met with my academic adviser and as it turns out [BIG SIGH] I am one unit short of graduating. Yep. One. I wasn't as discouraged by this as some might think. Is it inconvenient? Oh yes. Does it create more work for me? Of course! Am I bitter? No, not really. Hopefully, I will be able to take a summer class at a local community college to fulfill the unit. And then I'll be done.
I'm really happy that it comes really naturally for me to make plans and always attach, "Lord willing," at the end of them. If I look back at all the plans I made for finishing the school year, I'm almost certain I mostly said some variation of "If the Lord wills," etc. Sometimes, unfortunately, it can be a throw-away phrase that deludes me into thinking I'm somehow more spiritual for having said it. But it truly does serve as a good reminder of what my hope is.
My hope (that which I set my eyes on, live my life for, and long for wholeheartedly) are not any of the following things (although, how easy it is to make them such!):
A degree
A job
A family
A house
My husband
A life style
A car
A title
An ability
A body image
I do not live for comfort, prestige, recognition, ease, stability, security.
I ought not to concern myself with social approval, the balance in my checking account, the books on my walls, the phone in my pocket, the friends I have or don't have,
These, once focus is on them and off God, are idols.
My education is an idol.
My job is an idol.
My abilities are idols.
My family is an idol.
My husband is an idol.
My hopes for the future are idols.
If I am living for them.
I am an idol. If I'm living for myself. I am my biggest danger.
What good does it do a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Nothing. All I've amassed is worth nothing.
My hope, my rest, my peace and joy are on the Lord's will.
Who cares if I'm loving life because everything is going my way. There are no bragging rights in loving life because it's easy. How does that make me better?
I care if I'm loving my life when nothing is going my way.
If my whole world can fall apart, if I can lose my job, my home, my car, my friends, my lifestyle, my husband, my family, my self-worth, my health, a limb, everything, I want to be able to maintain my joy.
That's a tall order. God has been kind to me so far. He has not asked me to forfeit anything that would be terribly difficult. I don't know that He ever will. But it ought not matter.
I'm really happy that it comes really naturally for me to make plans and always attach, "Lord willing," at the end of them. If I look back at all the plans I made for finishing the school year, I'm almost certain I mostly said some variation of "If the Lord wills," etc. Sometimes, unfortunately, it can be a throw-away phrase that deludes me into thinking I'm somehow more spiritual for having said it. But it truly does serve as a good reminder of what my hope is.
My hope (that which I set my eyes on, live my life for, and long for wholeheartedly) are not any of the following things (although, how easy it is to make them such!):
A degree
A job
A family
A house
My husband
A life style
A car
A title
An ability
A body image
I do not live for comfort, prestige, recognition, ease, stability, security.
I ought not to concern myself with social approval, the balance in my checking account, the books on my walls, the phone in my pocket, the friends I have or don't have,
These, once focus is on them and off God, are idols.
My education is an idol.
My job is an idol.
My abilities are idols.
My family is an idol.
My husband is an idol.
My hopes for the future are idols.
If I am living for them.
I am an idol. If I'm living for myself. I am my biggest danger.
What good does it do a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Nothing. All I've amassed is worth nothing.
My hope, my rest, my peace and joy are on the Lord's will.
Who cares if I'm loving life because everything is going my way. There are no bragging rights in loving life because it's easy. How does that make me better?
I care if I'm loving my life when nothing is going my way.
If my whole world can fall apart, if I can lose my job, my home, my car, my friends, my lifestyle, my husband, my family, my self-worth, my health, a limb, everything, I want to be able to maintain my joy.
That's a tall order. God has been kind to me so far. He has not asked me to forfeit anything that would be terribly difficult. I don't know that He ever will. But it ought not matter.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Valentine's Day 2012
So I know that in my last post, I said I was my own Valentine this year. When we woke up on Tuesday morning, Sergio and I had no plans of doing anything special or out of the ordinary for Valentine's Day.
Last year, we had a very romantic evening in. He got ready at his parent's house, I got ready at our apartment and gussied up for him. I actually wore my wedding dress! (The one I wore for our reception, not the gown - can you imagine!?) I prepared a delicious meal for us, set the mood in our entire apartment just right, etc. It was great.
This year, however, since we're at his parent's house, we were both working all day, and really didn't feel like having a night out on the town, we were content to embrace the day as just another day. Besides, Valentine's Day is corny and insignificant, right?
Well, yes and no (the classic English major answer to all of life's tough questions). Our culture's interpretation of it, for the most part, is definitely shallow. It's riddled with obligatory expectations, selfish motivations, and vacuous understandings of love. And yet, when we're given a day that at face value celebrates love, albeit for the purpose of consumerism, for those of us who do have a complete understanding of love, why not eliminate the fluff and the filth and embrace a celebration of love?
So, on a whim, on my way home I stopped at Lark bakery and purchased four cupcakes. I also stopped at Trader Joe's for a super quick, cheater meal. That's right, frozen food. (Enter suspenseful organ music here). When Sergio came home, we went outside, turned on the fire pit, and enjoyed a simple, super fast dinner by firelight. It was a far cry from last year's effort in preparation, but it was just as special to me!
We got to step away from chores a house can be decorated with, and just enjoyed one another. He told me about his day, and I told him about mine. We told each other what the Lord is teaching us in this season of life and what we look forward to in the next. We prayed with one another and expressed our thankfulness to God for this temporary marriage.
Right now, very little after the month of May is planned. We have no idea where we'll be or what we'll be doing. What we do know is that we'll have our Lord, and we'll have each other. I often call Sergio my companion on life's journey. I don't think I've ever felt the weight of those words more than I do now. Sometimes, when you're on a trip, you know exactly where you're going. But other times, you're somewhere unfamiliar and you rely heavily on trust. Well, I trust my husband, the driver. He's trusting the road signs he's given on the way as God reveals His will to us according to His plan and timing. Getting the opportunity to stop for a minute or two and just refresh that marriage relationship is like a rest stop to refuel before you hit the road again. (That was the last road trip - marriage analogy, I promise).
So, all in all, great Valentine's Day. Another great year. Same great husband. Same great, great God.
P.S. The cupcakes were out of this world! ;)
Last year, we had a very romantic evening in. He got ready at his parent's house, I got ready at our apartment and gussied up for him. I actually wore my wedding dress! (The one I wore for our reception, not the gown - can you imagine!?) I prepared a delicious meal for us, set the mood in our entire apartment just right, etc. It was great.
This year, however, since we're at his parent's house, we were both working all day, and really didn't feel like having a night out on the town, we were content to embrace the day as just another day. Besides, Valentine's Day is corny and insignificant, right?
Well, yes and no (the classic English major answer to all of life's tough questions). Our culture's interpretation of it, for the most part, is definitely shallow. It's riddled with obligatory expectations, selfish motivations, and vacuous understandings of love. And yet, when we're given a day that at face value celebrates love, albeit for the purpose of consumerism, for those of us who do have a complete understanding of love, why not eliminate the fluff and the filth and embrace a celebration of love?
So, on a whim, on my way home I stopped at Lark bakery and purchased four cupcakes. I also stopped at Trader Joe's for a super quick, cheater meal. That's right, frozen food. (Enter suspenseful organ music here). When Sergio came home, we went outside, turned on the fire pit, and enjoyed a simple, super fast dinner by firelight. It was a far cry from last year's effort in preparation, but it was just as special to me!
We got to step away from chores a house can be decorated with, and just enjoyed one another. He told me about his day, and I told him about mine. We told each other what the Lord is teaching us in this season of life and what we look forward to in the next. We prayed with one another and expressed our thankfulness to God for this temporary marriage.
Right now, very little after the month of May is planned. We have no idea where we'll be or what we'll be doing. What we do know is that we'll have our Lord, and we'll have each other. I often call Sergio my companion on life's journey. I don't think I've ever felt the weight of those words more than I do now. Sometimes, when you're on a trip, you know exactly where you're going. But other times, you're somewhere unfamiliar and you rely heavily on trust. Well, I trust my husband, the driver. He's trusting the road signs he's given on the way as God reveals His will to us according to His plan and timing. Getting the opportunity to stop for a minute or two and just refresh that marriage relationship is like a rest stop to refuel before you hit the road again. (That was the last road trip - marriage analogy, I promise).
So, all in all, great Valentine's Day. Another great year. Same great husband. Same great, great God.
P.S. The cupcakes were out of this world! ;)
Friday, February 3, 2012
Thoughts on Marriage
Today, Sergio's cousin, Diana is getting married to a godly upright man. Diana and Tyrae, all my love and prayers go out to the both of you in the beginning of this new stage for you as husband and wife!
A few weeks back, Sergio and I were reminiscing about our first few weeks and months as a married couple. Thankfully, it wasn't as hard a transition for us as it is for some couples. We're both very down to earth, easy going people. That isn't to say we didn't have arguments or conflicts. We definitely did. But by the grace of God, they were resolved pretty quickly and with relatively little emotional injury to either party. The greatest thing that was bruised was our pride - which was definitely a good thing!
While we didn't have out and out shouting matches, we often struggled with inconsiderate comments, hurt feelings, and unexpressed emotions. We learned pretty quickly that if either one of us refrained from communicating what we were feeling/thinking out of pride, fear of discomfort, or fear of ridicule, it only strained the relationship making things even more difficult to work through later.
Something that was very difficult for me was communicating my emotions that I knew were sinful, but that I couldn't deny I was still feeling. Especially at the beginning, I often felt that it was better me to keep my sin hidden and just "deal with it" on my own regardless of the fact that it was affecting my marriage. When Sergio would ask me what was bothering me, it would be common for me to respond with, "Don't worry about it. I know I'm wrong. I just need to deal with it and get over it." I thought that I was doing a good thing by not burdening my husband with issues that I knew were not justified. I didn't realize that this was more damaging for our marriage than it was helping.
To begin with, I was basically telling Sergio that I didn't need his help. This does nothing for his confidence in me. Secondly, I wasn't allowing him to connect with me on that level. This meant he didn't know what sins I was struggling with or how to specifically pray for me. I was preventing him from learning about me which would have enabled him to be a better husband - one that lived with me in an understanding and loving way. Thirdly, I was designating and restricting certain parts of my life from my husband. That's not what marriage is. I am his and he is mine. We are one.
Believe me, I still struggle with the temptation to shut him out. Every time I share something I'm ashamed to be thinking/feeling, I really have to check my pride at the door and it's uncomfortable. But, afterwards I always feel better. The conversation that ensues is always encouraging and edifying for both of us. This only strengthens our relationship.
So, when we were reminiscing, I asked him, "What advice would we give to newlyweds? What would I tell a woman about to be married, and what would you tell a man about to be married?"
Here's what I said (for women):
"When you're in the middle of an argument/conflict that seems to feel damaging to the relationship, take a deep breath and remind him (and yourself) that you love him - that though there is a temporary rift in the relationship, the love is present regardless." When we're angry or feel hurt, sin and pride so easily creeps in and its deceitful nature tempts you to put your own desires as the priority of your heart. It tells you that your feelings are more important than your spouse's and because of this, he must yield to you. It's hard for a husband to lead a woman who demands to have her wishes met regardless of her husband. Reminding him that you love him not only refreshes him, it forces you to take a step back and out of a potentially sinful state of mind and re-prioritize. I can't be loving Sergio properly and resenting him at the same time. Impossible.
Here's what he said (for men):
"If your personal relationship with the Lord is compromised, your relationship with your wife will be also." When he said this, my heart filled with joy because of the profundity of this statement! Men have a huge responsibility. One day, they will have to stand before God and give an account for how they led their family. They will be responsible for their leadership over other sinners. This task is too much for a man who doesn't draw his strength, joy, and endurance from the treasures of knowing Christ. Resolve, without Christ, will eventually fade and the marriage will be put in jeopardy.
These two statements are obviously not all-inclusive of the secrets to a successful marriage. There really are no secrets anyway. Just obedience. Sergio and I are far from the example of a perfect marriage - mainly because we are each far from perfect. But we're both thoroughly enjoying to journey, and I can't speak for Sergio, but I am so beyond happy with my companion.
Once again, Diana and Tyrae, congratulations! May the good Lord fill both of you with the joy only He provides and may your marriage help you love Him more!
A few weeks back, Sergio and I were reminiscing about our first few weeks and months as a married couple. Thankfully, it wasn't as hard a transition for us as it is for some couples. We're both very down to earth, easy going people. That isn't to say we didn't have arguments or conflicts. We definitely did. But by the grace of God, they were resolved pretty quickly and with relatively little emotional injury to either party. The greatest thing that was bruised was our pride - which was definitely a good thing!
While we didn't have out and out shouting matches, we often struggled with inconsiderate comments, hurt feelings, and unexpressed emotions. We learned pretty quickly that if either one of us refrained from communicating what we were feeling/thinking out of pride, fear of discomfort, or fear of ridicule, it only strained the relationship making things even more difficult to work through later.
Something that was very difficult for me was communicating my emotions that I knew were sinful, but that I couldn't deny I was still feeling. Especially at the beginning, I often felt that it was better me to keep my sin hidden and just "deal with it" on my own regardless of the fact that it was affecting my marriage. When Sergio would ask me what was bothering me, it would be common for me to respond with, "Don't worry about it. I know I'm wrong. I just need to deal with it and get over it." I thought that I was doing a good thing by not burdening my husband with issues that I knew were not justified. I didn't realize that this was more damaging for our marriage than it was helping.
To begin with, I was basically telling Sergio that I didn't need his help. This does nothing for his confidence in me. Secondly, I wasn't allowing him to connect with me on that level. This meant he didn't know what sins I was struggling with or how to specifically pray for me. I was preventing him from learning about me which would have enabled him to be a better husband - one that lived with me in an understanding and loving way. Thirdly, I was designating and restricting certain parts of my life from my husband. That's not what marriage is. I am his and he is mine. We are one.
Believe me, I still struggle with the temptation to shut him out. Every time I share something I'm ashamed to be thinking/feeling, I really have to check my pride at the door and it's uncomfortable. But, afterwards I always feel better. The conversation that ensues is always encouraging and edifying for both of us. This only strengthens our relationship.
So, when we were reminiscing, I asked him, "What advice would we give to newlyweds? What would I tell a woman about to be married, and what would you tell a man about to be married?"
Here's what I said (for women):
"When you're in the middle of an argument/conflict that seems to feel damaging to the relationship, take a deep breath and remind him (and yourself) that you love him - that though there is a temporary rift in the relationship, the love is present regardless." When we're angry or feel hurt, sin and pride so easily creeps in and its deceitful nature tempts you to put your own desires as the priority of your heart. It tells you that your feelings are more important than your spouse's and because of this, he must yield to you. It's hard for a husband to lead a woman who demands to have her wishes met regardless of her husband. Reminding him that you love him not only refreshes him, it forces you to take a step back and out of a potentially sinful state of mind and re-prioritize. I can't be loving Sergio properly and resenting him at the same time. Impossible.
Here's what he said (for men):
"If your personal relationship with the Lord is compromised, your relationship with your wife will be also." When he said this, my heart filled with joy because of the profundity of this statement! Men have a huge responsibility. One day, they will have to stand before God and give an account for how they led their family. They will be responsible for their leadership over other sinners. This task is too much for a man who doesn't draw his strength, joy, and endurance from the treasures of knowing Christ. Resolve, without Christ, will eventually fade and the marriage will be put in jeopardy.
These two statements are obviously not all-inclusive of the secrets to a successful marriage. There really are no secrets anyway. Just obedience. Sergio and I are far from the example of a perfect marriage - mainly because we are each far from perfect. But we're both thoroughly enjoying to journey, and I can't speak for Sergio, but I am so beyond happy with my companion.
Once again, Diana and Tyrae, congratulations! May the good Lord fill both of you with the joy only He provides and may your marriage help you love Him more!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Thoughts From the Plane
The following I wrote in my journal on my way back from Jamaica. I'm sorry if it's sort of jumbled in thoughts. But ... well... it is. :)
Sergio and I are on our way home from Jamaica. We spent a wonderful week at the Sandals Resort in Ocho Rios in celebration of two years of marriage. It was such a fantastic vacation and the accommodations couldn't have been better. Really, the best part about going anywhere with Sergio is the company. He's the best friend I've ever had and the greatest encouragement and companion. He makes me laugh, he serves and loves me selflessly, and time with him is never dull. What makes me especially thankful for him is his desire and drive to seek and please the Lord individually and in our marriage.
On the trip, challenged me. He asked me how much of the time in that distraction-free environment was spent focused on the Lord. Quite honestly, I couldn't say that very much had. Is it such a great surprise then that I often feel like the times at home (that in fact are filled with distraction) are generally characterized by spiritual luke-warmness with the occasional bursting gasp for the air of divine grace when drowning in the complacency of my own mediocrity? I'm thankful for those bursts. I'm having one now. And it kinda hurts. But it hurts so good. God is that air. My lungs have never complained of too much air. I've never had to deal with that problem. I've especially never complained about the accessibility of oxygen when I'm swimming. So why should a soul that has taken a dive? God is that air. And I want more.
So now we return. We return to a home with children and a dog. To laundry, bills, jobs, chores, and eventually school. We're returning to a distraction-filled life that demands you give at least some time to sleeping, eating, and chores, but so easily provides excuses for disciplined study for the nourishment of your soul.
Tonight, I'm going to attend Sem Wives for the first time. I'll report back. :)
Sergio and I are on our way home from Jamaica. We spent a wonderful week at the Sandals Resort in Ocho Rios in celebration of two years of marriage. It was such a fantastic vacation and the accommodations couldn't have been better. Really, the best part about going anywhere with Sergio is the company. He's the best friend I've ever had and the greatest encouragement and companion. He makes me laugh, he serves and loves me selflessly, and time with him is never dull. What makes me especially thankful for him is his desire and drive to seek and please the Lord individually and in our marriage.
On the trip, challenged me. He asked me how much of the time in that distraction-free environment was spent focused on the Lord. Quite honestly, I couldn't say that very much had. Is it such a great surprise then that I often feel like the times at home (that in fact are filled with distraction) are generally characterized by spiritual luke-warmness with the occasional bursting gasp for the air of divine grace when drowning in the complacency of my own mediocrity? I'm thankful for those bursts. I'm having one now. And it kinda hurts. But it hurts so good. God is that air. My lungs have never complained of too much air. I've never had to deal with that problem. I've especially never complained about the accessibility of oxygen when I'm swimming. So why should a soul that has taken a dive? God is that air. And I want more.
So now we return. We return to a home with children and a dog. To laundry, bills, jobs, chores, and eventually school. We're returning to a distraction-filled life that demands you give at least some time to sleeping, eating, and chores, but so easily provides excuses for disciplined study for the nourishment of your soul.
Tonight, I'm going to attend Sem Wives for the first time. I'll report back. :)
Friday, December 30, 2011
The Holiday Season is on its Way Out
I can't believe that the only holiday left in this year's holiday season is New Years Eve! Where has the time gone?? Reflecting back on 2011, it's really cool to see what the Lord has brought to edify and humble us.
First of all, it was near this time last year that we were preparing to leave for India. In fact, we spent the turn of the new year somewhere mid-air in a plane. India was an amazing experience that opened our eyes and hearts for ministry opportunities all over the globe. I often say that singing is probably my favorite form of worship because I think it most closely resembles the activities of heaven. Well, singing with brothers and sisters from the other side of the world makes it even better! It's a reminder that the gospel is endless, limitless, and available for anyone and everyone and that our Father's children exist in every corner of the globe. What evidence of his faithfulness!
Then, school began and there was a strange wrinkle in time and summer was here! :)
This past summer, the Lord saw fit to call my grandfather home to be with him. He was gracious in Francisco's departure and he passed relatively comfortably, with family that loved him surrounding him. If only we could all be so blessed. After several years of my grandfather being trapped in the prison of his deteriorating mind, the Lord was so loving and kind to give him relief and turn his faith into sight.
With both Sergio's and my work being tied into the school year, finances got very tight over the course of the jobless summer. Then, my work at City College fell through. This led to us moving into my in-laws who have been so generous with their home and have really served us by allowing us to live here. Not only have we been able to save up money, and pay off my car loan very early, we have been blessed by the relationships in the house.
Then, the Lord provided with a job that I really love, and coworkers with whom I really enjoy working, at 24 Hour Fitness. That was a great answer to prayer!
And then school started again and there was that wrinkle in time again....
Until I got a call from City College saying that student tutors had been reinstated and I had a job there again! So, in a matter of months, after the peace made possible by the hope and confidence in a loving God who was kind to a dying old man who was not deserving of any kindness or grace, I went from no job with bills piling, to two jobs with no bills!
This isn't to say, "God is good because he provided some financial stability." This is all to say, "God is good because that is who he is." All things, blessings and trials, come from him whose plan is sovereign and perfect and we get to play a part of it. Personally, I enjoy playing a willing and joyful part because otherwise, it would be like swimming against a current. But then, I play that part because that's the part that was written for me.
First of all, it was near this time last year that we were preparing to leave for India. In fact, we spent the turn of the new year somewhere mid-air in a plane. India was an amazing experience that opened our eyes and hearts for ministry opportunities all over the globe. I often say that singing is probably my favorite form of worship because I think it most closely resembles the activities of heaven. Well, singing with brothers and sisters from the other side of the world makes it even better! It's a reminder that the gospel is endless, limitless, and available for anyone and everyone and that our Father's children exist in every corner of the globe. What evidence of his faithfulness!
Then, school began and there was a strange wrinkle in time and summer was here! :)
This past summer, the Lord saw fit to call my grandfather home to be with him. He was gracious in Francisco's departure and he passed relatively comfortably, with family that loved him surrounding him. If only we could all be so blessed. After several years of my grandfather being trapped in the prison of his deteriorating mind, the Lord was so loving and kind to give him relief and turn his faith into sight.
With both Sergio's and my work being tied into the school year, finances got very tight over the course of the jobless summer. Then, my work at City College fell through. This led to us moving into my in-laws who have been so generous with their home and have really served us by allowing us to live here. Not only have we been able to save up money, and pay off my car loan very early, we have been blessed by the relationships in the house.
Then, the Lord provided with a job that I really love, and coworkers with whom I really enjoy working, at 24 Hour Fitness. That was a great answer to prayer!
And then school started again and there was that wrinkle in time again....
Until I got a call from City College saying that student tutors had been reinstated and I had a job there again! So, in a matter of months, after the peace made possible by the hope and confidence in a loving God who was kind to a dying old man who was not deserving of any kindness or grace, I went from no job with bills piling, to two jobs with no bills!
This isn't to say, "God is good because he provided some financial stability." This is all to say, "God is good because that is who he is." All things, blessings and trials, come from him whose plan is sovereign and perfect and we get to play a part of it. Personally, I enjoy playing a willing and joyful part because otherwise, it would be like swimming against a current. But then, I play that part because that's the part that was written for me.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
It's Over
Today is December 24th, 2011. It is the day our families celebrate the incarnation of Christ. Currently, I am at my mom's house waiting for the marscapone mix to set before I put it in a tiramisu for tonight's gathering at my grandmother's house.
Finals are over and I couldn't be more relieved and thankful for that!
I told Sergio yesterday, "I can't wait for Christmas to be over so that I can enjoy Christmas." The reality is that this time gets so busy so easily. I know it's cliche, but it's true. While I've had the intentions of spending time to meditate on the heavy reality of God incarnate, I find that it's difficult to shift my mindset that way when I feel the pressure of buying gifts, wrapping them, cleaning, and making tiramisu. I'm so thankful that this year, Christmas day falls on a Sunday because I can think of no better place to be Christmas morning than worshiping the Lord with the saints. I don't feel like I've perfected that ability to accomplish those necessary-christmas errands while meditating on Christ's condescension to human form (particularly that of a helpless infant) for the purpose of dying so that we have a means of salvation. Is that possible? I'm sure that as time goes on and our family expands, Sergio and I will naturally develop family traditions, but I want to ensure that we develop some type of daily tradition around Christmas time that brings our focus back to Christ's sacrifice in leaving the Father's right hand for us.
What type of things do you and yours do to refocus your minds and hearts during Christmas time?
Finals are over and I couldn't be more relieved and thankful for that!
I told Sergio yesterday, "I can't wait for Christmas to be over so that I can enjoy Christmas." The reality is that this time gets so busy so easily. I know it's cliche, but it's true. While I've had the intentions of spending time to meditate on the heavy reality of God incarnate, I find that it's difficult to shift my mindset that way when I feel the pressure of buying gifts, wrapping them, cleaning, and making tiramisu. I'm so thankful that this year, Christmas day falls on a Sunday because I can think of no better place to be Christmas morning than worshiping the Lord with the saints. I don't feel like I've perfected that ability to accomplish those necessary-christmas errands while meditating on Christ's condescension to human form (particularly that of a helpless infant) for the purpose of dying so that we have a means of salvation. Is that possible? I'm sure that as time goes on and our family expands, Sergio and I will naturally develop family traditions, but I want to ensure that we develop some type of daily tradition around Christmas time that brings our focus back to Christ's sacrifice in leaving the Father's right hand for us.
What type of things do you and yours do to refocus your minds and hearts during Christmas time?
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Self-Discipline
Ok so right off the bat, I'm already a hypocrite. I should be doing homework instead of blogging. But I enjoy this so much more. (SO much more). I was at the gym last night and began listening to a message my pastor, John MacArthur gave several years ago. If you know anything about John MacArthur, you know that (unlike so so so many television/radio pastors) he very rarely doesn't preach out of a very specific passage in scripture. He preaches faithfully through the Word verse by verse week by week, equipping the saints. No one at Grace Community Church lacks for good teaching. What's even rarer than him preaching out of various texts is for him to sound a bit like a self-help/motivational speaker. (It really almost never even begins to happen). But, those isolated occasions Dr. MacArthur begins to sound like Joel Osteen, he always brings it back to biblical reality and a Christological foundation - reminding us that, contrary to popular opinion and offensive to social sentiment, we are not our own. We are either slaves to sin, or bought with a price and now slaves to Christ.
This is just a taste about my next "major" blog entry: exploring why America seems satisfied, and often more filled, with the mediocre teaching of scripture, instead of the spiritual feast found in the banquets prepared by pastors like JMac, John Piper, Al Mohler, R.C. Sproul, and Steve Lawson, among many others. Why are we satisfied with cheese and crackers when so many other faithful men prepare filet mignon for us to freely consume? That's another post.
This post is just a quick glance of that sermon I was listening to at the gym.
(By the way, for those of you who may follow me on my twitter, you already know that JMac is my pastor of choice while I'm working out).
I won't go into all of the sermon. He basically talks about the importance of, by the grace of God, the exercise of spiritual self-discipline. He talks about several of the places we see glimpses of the Lord's direction to the importance of self-discipline. To listen/read the whole sermon, go here. I'm just going to post the practical applications/behavior practices you can implement you can begin to do to exercise spiritual discipline. Then, I'm going to force myself to do homework :)
First, is to begin with little things. Learn to exercise self-discipline in small and trivial things not because they are secretly the big things, but because "your integrity, your credibility, your word is important even in the little things."
Another one is be clean/organized. Have an intolerance for physical clutter in your life. Learn to get rid of things you really don't need, organize and order the things you have. When you have no tolerance for the physical clutter, it's easier to clear up the mental and emotional clutter that serves no other purpose but hindrance and distraction.
Another is to make a schedule and learn to stick to it. This is kind of a natural result of the second discipline. If you're already very able to organize things, you're equipped to organize your time. Don't remain slaves to time.
Another one (my favorite that I really want to perfect) is to "wean yourself off of being entertained so that entertainment becomes for you really something that's arbitrary - you can take it or leave it." He goes on to say, "Get to the place where you, if you have excess time, do things that are productive rather than sit to be entertained." As alternatives, he suggests physical exercise, reading, or productive hobbies like gardening, etc.
Another one is to learn to be punctual. This flows from two organizational ones. Ordering your surroundings and then your time permit you to be able to be on time to things, even the small things. It's also a display of love to people who are waiting on you. It shows them that you value them over your self. It tells them that their time is more important to you than your own.
Keep your word. If you say you're going to do something, no matter how small it is, commit to doing it. Don't bail. This demands you exercise self-discipline not only after you've committed to something, but before you have as well. It might be easier to say yes to something in the moment, but if you have the organization previously described, you'll be able to know with likelihood whether or not you'll be able to come through. And if you don't know that you'll be able to, discipline yourself to say no even though it might not feel like the most expedient/convenient response.
Do the hardest task first. Save the very easiest for last. Don't wait and run the risk of running out of time or energy and using that as an excuse to do the hardest task on your list. Hardest tasks are usually the most important anyway. Get them out of the way.
Finish what you start. Simple, but how many of us have a myriad of things left uncompleted? (I have at least a dozen). Just have the conviction to finish before you begin it.
We're almost done, I promise.
Practice self-denial just for the sake of self-denial. He says, "Just say no so you can say to yourself, 'Self, you can say no when you want to.'" He uses the classic example of self-denial when it comes to food. He says, "I've suggested that even that next time you have the opportunity to eat a triple decker, super-big banana split, topped with chocolate and all of that, you might just say no, just so you can say to your stomach, 'See? I'm still in charge.'"
The last thing he suggests is to volunteer. There seems to be kind of a tie into many of these that really revolve around the organization of space and time. This is one of those. You have to have your life well-ordered enough to even be able to volunteer without compromising your obligations.
I would really encourage you to listen/read the rest of that sermon. Not because it gives more "tips" but because it rich in biblical truth. All of the above are just futile attempts at making life more fulfilling. They're futile because even though those are helpful, without a redemptive relationship with Christ, we are as empty as ever, and everything is lost.
This is just a taste about my next "major" blog entry: exploring why America seems satisfied, and often more filled, with the mediocre teaching of scripture, instead of the spiritual feast found in the banquets prepared by pastors like JMac, John Piper, Al Mohler, R.C. Sproul, and Steve Lawson, among many others. Why are we satisfied with cheese and crackers when so many other faithful men prepare filet mignon for us to freely consume? That's another post.
This post is just a quick glance of that sermon I was listening to at the gym.
(By the way, for those of you who may follow me on my twitter, you already know that JMac is my pastor of choice while I'm working out).
I won't go into all of the sermon. He basically talks about the importance of, by the grace of God, the exercise of spiritual self-discipline. He talks about several of the places we see glimpses of the Lord's direction to the importance of self-discipline. To listen/read the whole sermon, go here. I'm just going to post the practical applications/behavior practices you can implement you can begin to do to exercise spiritual discipline. Then, I'm going to force myself to do homework :)
First, is to begin with little things. Learn to exercise self-discipline in small and trivial things not because they are secretly the big things, but because "your integrity, your credibility, your word is important even in the little things."
Another one is be clean/organized. Have an intolerance for physical clutter in your life. Learn to get rid of things you really don't need, organize and order the things you have. When you have no tolerance for the physical clutter, it's easier to clear up the mental and emotional clutter that serves no other purpose but hindrance and distraction.
Another is to make a schedule and learn to stick to it. This is kind of a natural result of the second discipline. If you're already very able to organize things, you're equipped to organize your time. Don't remain slaves to time.
Another one (my favorite that I really want to perfect) is to "wean yourself off of being entertained so that entertainment becomes for you really something that's arbitrary - you can take it or leave it." He goes on to say, "Get to the place where you, if you have excess time, do things that are productive rather than sit to be entertained." As alternatives, he suggests physical exercise, reading, or productive hobbies like gardening, etc.
Another one is to learn to be punctual. This flows from two organizational ones. Ordering your surroundings and then your time permit you to be able to be on time to things, even the small things. It's also a display of love to people who are waiting on you. It shows them that you value them over your self. It tells them that their time is more important to you than your own.
Keep your word. If you say you're going to do something, no matter how small it is, commit to doing it. Don't bail. This demands you exercise self-discipline not only after you've committed to something, but before you have as well. It might be easier to say yes to something in the moment, but if you have the organization previously described, you'll be able to know with likelihood whether or not you'll be able to come through. And if you don't know that you'll be able to, discipline yourself to say no even though it might not feel like the most expedient/convenient response.
Do the hardest task first. Save the very easiest for last. Don't wait and run the risk of running out of time or energy and using that as an excuse to do the hardest task on your list. Hardest tasks are usually the most important anyway. Get them out of the way.
Finish what you start. Simple, but how many of us have a myriad of things left uncompleted? (I have at least a dozen). Just have the conviction to finish before you begin it.
We're almost done, I promise.
Practice self-denial just for the sake of self-denial. He says, "Just say no so you can say to yourself, 'Self, you can say no when you want to.'" He uses the classic example of self-denial when it comes to food. He says, "I've suggested that even that next time you have the opportunity to eat a triple decker, super-big banana split, topped with chocolate and all of that, you might just say no, just so you can say to your stomach, 'See? I'm still in charge.'"
The last thing he suggests is to volunteer. There seems to be kind of a tie into many of these that really revolve around the organization of space and time. This is one of those. You have to have your life well-ordered enough to even be able to volunteer without compromising your obligations.
I would really encourage you to listen/read the rest of that sermon. Not because it gives more "tips" but because it rich in biblical truth. All of the above are just futile attempts at making life more fulfilling. They're futile because even though those are helpful, without a redemptive relationship with Christ, we are as empty as ever, and everything is lost.
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