Life is Happening

Things are happening. And yet, at the same time, they aren't. Let me explain.

My time at Cal State Northridge is wrapping up. I have to turn in an essay tomorrow, and take my last final on Friday morning. After Friday, my time as a Matador will be complete. And after the first week of July, when I finish my summer class at College of the Canyons, my degree will be complete.

Sergio will finish up taking his comps (hopefully) by the end of May and (probably) by the end of June. So, by the beginning of July, he will have his Masters in Physics, and I will have my Bachelors in English Literature. We will be done with that part of our lives!

Sergio and I got married when he started graduate school and when I was a sophomore in college. We've always been in school together thus far into our marriage. This is a new stage. This new stage is exciting, but at the same time, I find myself tempted to be anxious.

I have two jobs. One is at 24 Hour Fitness working at the front desk. The other is at Los Angeles City College in the writing center. My job at LACC ends with the school semester and depends on my full-time enrollment at a college or university. This job is also the major source of my income. At the end of their semester (which is in about two weeks) I will no longer have a job here and, unless I go to grad school, will not be able to gain employment from them again.

Sergio's current job at CSUN also ends with the school semester. (This job is the major source of our combined income). He will receive his last pay check in the month of July or August, I believe. Though he'll have some extra income in the month of June because he agreed to lecture a short summer class, he does not have any job security after that.

I am conflicted with the decision of what to do with myself. Honestly, I was hoping that I would be expecting by now so that the decision would be easy. But that is obviously not the Lord's plan for me yet. If I go to grad school, I'd have some job security in the coming semester. However, going to grad school would entail taking out a student loan, which I'm not sure I want to do.

I suppose this is every college grad's dilemma. I was actually getting overwhelmed by the uncertainty last week and earlier this week. I was feeling trapped and anxious. I wanted to cast my cares onto the Lord, but I started thinking, "Well, what if I get to the deadline for a decision regarding grad school and I still don't know the Lord's will for us yet?" I was letting that question consume me.

After some prayer and meditation on scripture, I realized that I don't need all the answers yet. If I really "cast my cares" on Him, I can't take them back. They're no longer mine. So what should I let consume my thoughts? Well, for starters, the things I know are demanding my attention now. My relationship with God, my husband, my final assignments, my home space, my budget, my health. These are plenty to keep my mind occupied. I'll continue to keep those other things in prayer, but they can't consume my meditations, or occupy space in my heart. They can't produce anxiety because they have been placed into the sovereignty of the Creator. That's where they were the whole time, I just kept wanting to take them from him. Anxiety is really just a produce of a lack of humility when you really think about it.

I would greatly appreciate your prayers regarding everything I've just mentioned. Things are uncertain, but God is greater than all of them. :)

A Quick One

Despite the fact that the next two weeks are going to feel like two months, I am elated that the semester is coming to an end!

After this post, I'm going to take a brief hiatus from the blog only for a couple weeks. (Yes, I know that sometimes I don't post for several weeks anyway, but that is coincidental - this time, it's intentional). I have four major assignments to work on this weekend. After the end of next week, the load should get a lot lighter, but I still have to study for one or two exams.

As of May 18th, I will be done with CSUN for the foreseeable future. On that day, my aunt and I will be driving up to Chico, CA to pick up my sister-cousin, Isabel from Cal State Chico. I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE HER!!! I haven't seen her since her spring break back in early March. But because our breaks didn't coincide, we didn't get to see much of each other. Now I get to spend four days with her!

I love road trips. There's something very "Jack Kerouac" about them. Except for the fact that I don't have any delusions of grandeur and I'm not a guilt-ridden Catholic trying to suppress my crazy, very Kerouac indeed. I'm excited for listening to music and to sermons on the way up. I'm also excited for all the conversations throughout the weekend.

I love my aunt, Narcisa. I love all my aunts. To explore how much my mother, grandmother, and aunts have influenced me could probably be a great blog topic one day. I have definitely been blessed to have so many God-honoring models of femininity and womanhood in my life.

The plan is to drive up to Chico and get there Friday night. We'll stay in Chico for a day or two and then drive down to San Francisco where we'll stay for a night. On our way down, we'll stop at Napa for lunch and get our wine on! :) It will definitely be a great ending to a busy and stressful semester!

So long for now, blog-readers. The next two weeks, I will do my best to avoid the blog, facebook, and twitter to focus on getting all the school work done. I look forward to sharing some of my academic projects with you (really... just the Alice paper) upon my return. Your prayers are great appreciated and, let's be honest, probably desperately needed. :)

Daniela

My Idols

There are a little more than two weeks of school left in this semester. My last official day is May 18th. A few weeks ago, I met with my academic adviser and as it turns out [BIG SIGH] I am one unit short of graduating. Yep. One. I wasn't as discouraged by this as some might think. Is it inconvenient? Oh yes. Does it create more work for me? Of course! Am I bitter? No, not really. Hopefully, I will be able to take a summer class at a local community college to fulfill the unit. And then I'll be done.

I'm really happy that it comes really naturally for me to make plans and always attach, "Lord willing," at the end of them. If I look back at all the plans I made for finishing the school year, I'm almost certain I mostly said some variation of "If the Lord wills," etc. Sometimes, unfortunately, it can be a throw-away phrase that deludes me into thinking I'm somehow more spiritual for having said it. But it truly does serve as a good reminder of what my hope is.

My hope (that which I set my eyes on, live my life for, and long for wholeheartedly) are not any of the following things (although, how easy it is to make them such!):
A degree
A job
A family
A house
My husband
A life style
A car
A title
An ability
A body image

I do not live for comfort, prestige, recognition, ease, stability, security.
I ought not to concern myself with social approval, the balance in my checking account, the books on my walls, the phone in my pocket, the friends I have or don't have,
These, once focus is on them and off God, are idols.
My education is an idol.
My job is an idol.
My abilities are idols.
My family is an idol.
My husband is an idol.
My hopes for the future are idols.
If I am living for them.

I am an idol. If I'm living for myself. I am my biggest danger.

What good does it do a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Nothing. All I've amassed is worth nothing.

My hope, my rest, my peace and joy are on the Lord's will.
Who cares if I'm loving life because everything is going my way. There are no bragging rights in loving life because it's easy. How does that make me better?
I care if I'm loving my life when nothing is going my way.
If my whole world can fall apart, if I can lose my job, my home, my car, my friends, my lifestyle, my husband, my family, my self-worth, my health, a limb, everything, I want to be able to maintain my joy.

That's a tall order. God has been kind to me so far. He has not asked me to forfeit anything that would be terribly difficult. I don't know that He ever will. But it ought not matter.

December is Here!

I consider the beginning of December the official start of the Christmas season. Some people say it begins after Thanksgiving. Personally, I cannot espouse Black Friday, which celebrates consumerism, selfishness and materialism, to the correct mindset we should have of reverence, thankfulness, and praise that Christ condescended himself to a helpless baby in order to offer us everlasting life and joy in Him. When Black Friday and December 1st happen to be the same day, the Christmas season for me begins on December 2nd. :)

The difficult part about being a student is that the most stressful weeks of the semester happen to occur at the beginning of the joyous season. I have two weeks left and more things to do than I care to think about. Sometimes, thinking about all of it really discourages me. But then I realize that I need to put it all into perspective. It's so easy to feel weighed down by temporary things, but when we put it in light of greater and more important things, it takes some of the pressure off.

So what do I know to be true?
I'm probably not going to pursue graduate studies in English Lit.
Therefore, I just need to pass my classes. I don't need to worry too much about my G.P.A.

I only have one semester left.
Therefore, I just need to stay focused enough to finish, but not so focused that I lose sight of what comes after school.

My college education is probably not going to come up very often. Most people I talk to do not use their degree on a daily basis.
Therefore, considering that my relationships with my husband, family members, and friends as well as my understanding of and relationship to God are continuously being built upon/meditated on, those are the things on which I should focus above everything else.

Don't get me wrong. Education is important. It's very important. It's just not that important.

Sixteen Units

Taking sixteen units this semester (nine of them being literature classes and six of those nine being honors literature classes) is really beginning to take its toll. I want nothing else than to spend days going to the gym, cooking, reading, and writing. But alas, I'm not at that stage of life yet. Probably around the time I'm 55. (My husband often tells me I'm an old lady at heart - and I believe him).

So I'll have to hang up my blogging hat for the next several weeks. I definitely do hope that there will come a time soon when school is kind of at a lull and I'm able to write at my leisure again, but right now, school is demanding my time and attention.

I can't wait to see this page again! Until then, blessings! :)

Precious Jesus

It has been a bit since I have last posted. Not a whole lot has been going on lately. I'm finishing up the second to last week before school begins again. I'm more or less completely settled in my new home. And I've begun a new job.

Several weeks ago, I applied for a front desk position at 24 Hour Fitness. I began working last week. Because of my school schedule this semester, I knew that I wouldn't be able to work more than two shifts at the writing center and so I saw that I needed work to supplement the decreased hours. Well, I got that job and they gave me more shifts than I thought I could handle. I am amazed by God's sovereignty and provision. I learned a few days ago that because of California budget issues, jobs as student tutors will no longer be funded at Los Angeles City College. As disappointing as this is, to see the Lord's hand in providing enough work for me before I even knew I needed it has been an encouragement beyond words. This is just more evidence of God's faithfulness through Christ. I'm reminded of the lyrics of a familiar hymn

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
And to take Him at His word
Just to rest upon His promise
And to know "Thus says the Lord!"

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er.
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
O for grace to trust Him more!


Like I said earlier, school starts soon. August 29th to be exact. I'm trying to enjoy the time left, but am finding that in this pursuit, it's so easy to give into laziness. Blogging is a good way to combat this. It gives me something to do. It gives me opportunity to exercise my writing muscles (which will come in handy in a few weeks). And it gives me things to think about or study.

Just as a few weeks ago, I had the topic of legalism on my mind, I have had a new topic on my mind: the innocence of Satan. By this, I mean that I feel like Satan, though more guilty than measurable by any human standards, gets blamed for more than he actually does. Instead of taking personal responsibility for our own depravity and sinfulness, many believers like to pull out the "enemy" card and use the devil as a scapegoat for our own natural proclivity to love our sin. "The enemy is the reason my son has rejected Christ," to me, seems to be heard more often than, "My son, by nature, is an unrepentant lover of his sin, and the wisdom of God is foolishness to him." So hopefully by the end of the week, that blog post will be up.


I think that I have pretty much adjusted to our new home. It was really never difficult. I love my in-laws so much and they have been so gracious to Sergio and myself. They have gone out of their way to make sure we were comfortable and afforded every convenience. I love our dog, Paxton.



I think most of all, I love seeing Sergio with his little sisters or niece. He is so good with the girls, it fills me with joy.




This is Cindy. The young female version of Sergio with twice his humor.






He's going to be such a great dad one day. I am so blessed! :)

The End of a Very Long Week

In a few minutes, Sergio and I will be off to Grace Community Church to enjoy fellowship and worship on the day our Lord sacrificed for our salvation. I've been so thankful this afternoon for so many reasons. The biggest one is the ability to rejoice in the salvation we have in Christ. More of that will be done tomorrow and Sunday.

Another reason I'm thankful is that today is the end of what was a very busy school week. Though having a busy school week is not uncommon, this week was particularly heavy. I stayed up until about 3:30 in the morning last night finishing a paper that I had forgotten was due this afternoon. Sergio was sweet. He stayed up with me until around 2. Well sort of. I was at the dining room table and he was waiting for me on the couch.



I love him so much! It was such a sweet gesture even though he was exhausted from a long week as well! I'm so blessed!

(He takes up the entire couch!!)

He went to bed around two and I kept on truckin'. I finally finished and went to sleep after snapping this other photo.
Oh the life of a college student!



Though I love my education, (I really do - no matter how much I otherwise indicate), I definitely could do without the late nights of reading/writing and drinking my body weight in coffee.

Motherhood should be a lot less demanding, right? ;)

Alice: A Child's Adventures in Childhood

The following is the paper I submitted as my analysis of childhood displayed in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I propose that innocence in childhood is a fabricated relationship. I don't think that blogspot will allow me to indent, but I think the paragraph breaks are clear enough. Enjoy.

A Child's Adventures in Childhood

Most cultures espouse innocence with the childhood age bracket. The corruption of youth is a common worry of parents who feel that the maintenance of this innocence is their duty to protect. While this protection is primarily protection from physical harm, as an infant transcends into a childhood age, parents seem determined to shelter them from the corruption of the evils of the world to prolong an assumed state of undefiled purity of mind. In the opening poem to Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Carroll gives us no indication of the necessity of associating innocence with childhood. In fact, as he describes his boat ride with the three Liddell sisters, whom he has endearingly named the, “cruel Three” (7), he describes their bold and audacious demands of his narration. It reads:

Imperious Prima flashes forth

Her edict 'to begin it' –

In gentler tone Secunda hopes

'There will be nonsense in it!' –

While Tertia interrupts the tale

Not more than once a minute. (13-18)

Such boldness is acceptable in childhood as it cultivates creativity and playfulness. In fact, it seems that childhood is quite dull without it. This audacity is necessary for good story-telling and enjoyable games of pretend, but it isn't looked on fondly in adulthood. As we follow Alice in her journey through a land in which she finds herself after haphazardly falling into a rabbit hole in pursuit of the unknown, we encounter an environment that is devoid of familiar logic and the validity of parental worry of corruption is put under a new light. This new environment brings out the essence of childhood in Alice. The strange situations, unfulfilled expectations, and the overall state of confusion drive Alice to react without tact or restraint. This gives us insight into the nature of her rudeness, impatience, search for identity, and her preoccupation with how she is viewed in the eyes of others. We very rarely see any signs of undefiled goodness, politeness, kindness, or desire to obey. The customs of Victorian England only serve to mask her natural flaw and selfish drive. In this timeless story of whimsy, we get a sense that this perception of child sinlessness is, like Wonderland itself, an illusion.

A representative of the child, Alice, like everyone else, is in pursuit of happiness. Thus far, however, the methods to facilitate this pursuit are limited to her. She reacts on whim and without forethought. This is most applicably seen in her initial pursuit of the White Rabbit. “...and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge. In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again” (12). It is in her eager willingness and fearless curiosity that she chases the White Rabbit down into Wonderland. Not only does the narrator give no indication of inhibition or consideration on her part, he intentionally informs the reader that absolutely and undoubtedly no thought concerning caution that might have been invested into such a decision was put forth. Her immediate reactions indicate her state of mind. She still hasn't learned to process and weigh out the ramifications of her actions carefully. Coming from a society of customs, however, Alice understands that there are limitations to her speech and conduct, but still isn't completely comfortable in engaging as an active member in a society. This gives cause to consider childhood as a veil thinly masking the understanding of the reason for the customs in place. Children know that there are certain things that are permissible and certain things that are not. They're not necessarily sure why or which is which, but they are aware of the existence of the rule. Behaving in a manner innate to their nature is what is practiced, but the response that behavior gets determines whether it is acceptable behavior for the circumstance or whether they need to adapt it to receive a response more in their favor. At the beginning of the story, this is still a new application for Alice who is clearly living in the speak-first-think-later state of childhood. During her conversations with the mouse, she repeatedly allows the mention of her cat slip only to frighten away and offend the mouse causing him to leave during his narrative. When the birds in the group ask her who Dinah is, her lack of restraint indicate that she still hasn't learned the lesson of discernment. She says, “'Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for catching mice...And oh! I wish you could see her after the birds! Why, she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!'” (40). The narrator tells us the effects of her exclamation. As she should have expected, “On various pretexts, they all moved off and Alice was soon left alone” (40). Innocence would require an individual to be ignorant of the institution of etiquette, and yet still naturally adhere to its standards of beauty and goodness. Here, childhood is not portrayed as the innocent and angelic stage of life in which things are simple and pure. It is the training ground for producing individuals that adhere to a set of social expectations and does well to educate them on the consequences of not fitting into a society.

As childhood becomes an atmosphere characterized by trial and error in which the consequences of errors are being outcast from the rest of society, the world – and for Alice, Wonderland – becomes a very confusing and frightening place. Like Alice in Wonderland, children find that very few things about the adult world make sense to them. Children then begin to utilize what little knowledge they have. It is important to understand, however, that this knowledge is not inherent comprehension, but rather acquired understanding attained from the observation of adults and the trial and error on the part of the children previously mentioned. Because children live within the confines of their imaginations until they begin their interactions with adults, logic and reason are learned behaviors necessary for the proper assimilation into a society that caters to grown men and women. As she travels through Wonderland, Alice has to adjust and reshape her preconceived notions of logic and reason to accommodate the “logic” of Wonderland. She often finds that her logic doesn't hold up to the standards of Wonderland and even do her a disservice. The most poignant example of different levels of logic can be found in her dialogue with the Cheshire Cat in the chapter, “Pig and Pepper.” Upon asking the Cheshire Cat which way she ought to go, he tells her that it depends entirely on where she wants to end up. To this she replies, “I don't much care where,” to which he logically, but still to little help replies, “Then it doesn't matter which way you go” (76). When Alice informs the Cheshire Cat that she does not wish to go among mad people, he responds, “Oh you can't help that...we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad...You must be...or you wouldn't have come here” (77). It is in this transaction that we see Alice's inability to reason in Wonderland. Her understanding of common sense has very little resemblance to theirs. This seems to comment on the relationship between children and adults. It indicates that adults view the logic of children as muddled and disorganized and children see adult logic as unnecessarily perplexing. Though the logic of a child might be viewed as idyllic and pure, the reality is that it is rigid and limiting: the less experience they have, the more stringent their reasoning abilities are. As a children and Alice grow, however, their logic becomes more malleable as they sacrifice the wonderment of the imagination and pretend for a world that is more tangible and visible. Alice politely entertains the idea presented by the Mock Turtle regarding the lessening of the lessons and fires back the very logical question, “And how did you manage on the twelfth?” (118). She does not challenge the Mock Turtle's credibility. She merely asked a question that would logically follow his account, even in Wonderland. His lack of response indicates the adult tendency to ignore reasonable questions asked by maturing children for which they have no answer.

Once Alice realizes that it might be to her benefit to begin implementing proper social English cues, she tries to apply them to Wonderland where they often don't work. This is met with frustration and disheartening. In her confused state, she finds that applying different approaches that she feels should result in her favor to certain situations often have the opposite effect. This shatters her confidence in the knowledge she believed to have acquired. This gives cause to consider children as vulnerable and emotional individuals who begin to question their understanding and, at times, the essence of their identity. Alice begins to have identity crises when she finds that that which she does well in England has no bearing in Wonderland. Childhood here can be categorized as a search for identity with the use of socially constructed measurements. For example, when Alice first questions who she is, she measures her identity by her ability to remember and recite the multiplication table. When she cannot, she concludes that she must now be someone else because the authentic Alice knows that information well. She says, “London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, and Rome – no, that's all wrong, I'm certain! I must have been changed for Mabel!” (25). Throughout the story, we are given example after example of Alice demonstrating her knowledge, albeit at times her misunderstood knowledge, to prove to herself and to others that her identity is rooted in that which she knows, not necessarily that which she is because, due to all the physically changing tools given to her, that which she physically is may not be reliable evidence to prove her identity. During the trial of the Knave, she is very proud of herself for recognizing the roles in the courtroom. With the assistance of the narrator, she assesses herself in light of her English counterparts. She identifies the jurors multiple times to herself, “...being rather proud of it: for she thought and rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it all” (130). Not only is this detached from any notion of innocence, it's laden with pride and self-exaltation. Children are depicted here as prideful individuals with an envious awareness of the intelligence of other children. Though she is proud of the amount of knowledge she possesses at her age, it is because her young age sometimes proves to be the cause of her rebuke that in this search for identity, Alice cannot maintain a constant desire or preference of age. She shows indecisiveness and contradiction. While trapped in the White Rabbit's house, she contemplates the possibility of ceasing to age and says, “...shall I never get any older than I am now? That'll be a comfort, one way – never to be an old woman – but then – always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like that!” (44). She doesn't want the responsibility or appearance of adulthood, but doesn't like the submissiveness of childhood. This depicts children as indecisive and fickle. If innocent childhood is defined by contentment and joy, no one told the youth.

Eventually, Alice becomes so fed up with the nonsense of Wonderland that she asserts her role as an adult. This is seen in her physical growth in the last scene in Wonderland. This is what childhood eventually amounts to after an identity search, confusion, and frustration: an ability to have a participating voice in society. Innocence had no place at the beginning of this process and it certainly has no place in this culminating final stage. Childhood is the molding and preparation a young individual needs to undergo to learn how to function in a society of customs and regulations governing our naturally corrupt conditions. Wonderland, like the notion of innocence in childhood, is an illusion. It is one ended by the reality of wisdom and discernment as a child steps out of their dream world into reality; or, as in the case of Alice, when they are forcibly removed from it because they've been in Wonderland far too long.

The Last Four Months

I can not believe that I have neglected to contribute to my blog in the last four months. Not that I feel I've cheated any of you (whoever you may be) of anything special, but I'm upset that I haven't kept up with my commitment to myself about this blog.

But now, I'm over it.

Alright! It has been four months, let's see what I can catch people up to speed on. First of all, there was India. India was, for lack of a better word, amazing! There's nothing quite like giving your time in service to other believers around the world. Even though you are motivated by a giving heart, you come out of it feeling more blessed than you thought you would. In addition to that, experiencing worship with brothers and sisters from the other side of the world, but united in a love for Christ, is unlike anything you can experience in your bubble of comfort in the states. For all believers, I'd really encourage you to leave your home and travel for the purpose and pursuit of worship with siblings from all over.

It was a joy for me and Sergio to teach teenagers about the life, ministry, death and resurrection of our Savior. They were rambunctious at times, but when it came down to the lessons, they were attentive and respectful and engaged. It was easy to fall in love with many of them and I pray that we'll be able to see them again soon.

The food was fantastic. I'm still trying to lose the weight I gained there. Most short term missions almost guarantee a need to sacrifice good food. Not so in India.

As far as the grad school front is concerned, many things are still a mystery. Not only am I not sure where I want to go, I'm still unsure about what I want to major in. There are pros and cons to continuing in my study of English/American Literature, but my real passion and desire is to study Theology.

A lot depends on where Sergio goes to seminary. The two contenders are The Masters Seminary here in Los Angeles, and Bethlehem Seminary in Minneapolis. Personally, I'm kind of hoping we move only because I feel that life here has become much to comfortable for me. Shaking things up a bit would be a welcomed change for me.

If we stay in town, I plan on applying for grad school as a Lit major at UCLA, and USC and as a Theology major at Talbot. If we move, I'll apply to the University of Minnesota for Literature and to the Central Baptist Theological Seminary as a Theology major.

Regardless of what ends up happening, I know that we're going to end up exactly where the Lord wants us to. I'm learning that as confused, unsure, and indecisive as I am, there's absolutely no need for anxiety or worry because of the sovereignty of our God. What a joy and what peace there is in resting on that knowledge! I do ask that those of you reading this keep our decisions in your prayers as we seek to honor the Lord with wisdom and discernment in this and in everything else.

There's still so much to be said. Until next time...

What things have transpired in two months

I have not posted a blog in nearly TWO MONTHS! Shame on me. At this point, my first semester of my junior year at CSUN has just come to an end. I cannot be anymore relieved, thankful, and elated. In case anyone is interested, a few things have transpired over the last few months that are noteworthy.

The most significant thing is our decision to go to India.
Sergio and I have decided to serve the Lord in India for eleven days at an annual pastor's conference. We will be doing a VBS for the pastor's children during the conference. Sergio will be leading worship. He and I have been designated to minister to the teenagers and we're both very excited about it. So you might immediately ask, "Why are Americans flying to the other side of the world to do a Sunday school?" Very simply put, to serve our brothers and sisters in India.

India is a very suppressive nation for the gospel. Conversion to Christianity means being ostracized from your entire community, friends, and, very often, your entire family. Proselytizing is illegal and, if caught evangelizing, there could be legal ramifications. This specific type of persecution felt by believers and pastors is exponential compared to that of Americans. The conference provides a time where men dedicated to ministry and their wives gather for a time of edification, fellowship, bonding, and rejuvenation with other believers who can relate to their struggles all for the glorification of their Savior. The people behind the conference requested a team to go down there to serve them so that our siblings in India can freely commit themselves to the acquisition of truth and knowledge with the comfort of knowing that their children are also being ministered to. Many men and their families make long and arduous journey to partake in the fellowship provided by the conference. Our wish, along with the wish of those putting the conference together, is that each individual that can attend the conference does. Such things are not as readily accessible there as they are here, and we are immensely blessed to know that we are serving the global church as they serve the Lord in environments more hostile to the gospel than we do.

If you want more information on the trip or about how you can support us financially, or through prayer, please email me.

Also, our first year of marriage is coming to an end. Being married has been so wonderful. I would highly recommend it for people who have the right view of marriage. As our first Christmas approaches, we are inundated with reminders of God's grace in marriage. Everything from our limited gift budget to our little Charlie brown Christmas Tree, we're surrounded by reminders of God's unending love towards us and our contentment in him.

I am in search of graduate schools. Staying in Los Angeles pretty much leaves me with UCLA and USC. It seems to me that if I am to pursue a MA, I might as well pursue a Ph.D. UCLA and USC would allow me to do both at the same time. Now, it's just a matter of getting in. While I am considering other graduate schools in the nation, we're very limited because it would have to be a place where both Sergio and I can pursue our endeavors. With Sergio considering seminary and there being few seminaries with solid theology and doctrine, our choices are few in number.

The reading list for the winter includes John Piper's Desiring God, which is taking me a while to finish, and a C.S. Lewis book that is yet to be determined. It will probably be the Great Divorce, but we shall see.

I think that's all for now. :)

I may have to start applying myself....

So school has been wonderful. Surprisingly, I am excelling in most of my classes. I just finished midterm week and feel confident that I did well on my exams. I got an email the other day from the director of the Honors Program for English at CSUN and was informed that one of my professors recommended me. Needless to say, I was thrilled. Sergio and I have decided to go forth and embrace this program. This means my classes will be harder, but the reward much greater. And this means no more coasting. I'm realizing that to maintain a good GPA, I'll actually have to apply myself now.

I really want to make something clear to anyone that may be reading this. I do NOT revel in the fact that I have yet to really apply myself to my academics. Perhaps at one point, I felt proud that despite my unwillingness to study for a respectable amount of time I was able to get at least a B and the occasional A. But, I realize now how much time I wasted. How much potential was untapped. Most of all, I realize how sinful my laziness was. All this is not because I feel that my "talent" (to which I really have no claim anyway, as it is a display of God's grace) has gone unused to ensure for myself a better future. No. Not this at all. My real regret is that when it came to my studies, I did not do as it is commanded in 1 Corinthians 10:31. It reads, "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." With a heavy heart, I know that I did not pursue my studies to and for the glory of God.

Again, my regret for my failure to do this is not because I realize that I could've gone to a more reputable university and met the right people. This may be true but this isn't my goal. My gifts are just that: gifts. They are all gracious endowments of the Lord for HIM to use as he pleases and for HIS purposes. I allowed my laziness to stifle the exercise of the Lord's work. So my regret isn't that my life could have been "better" than it is now, (which is pretty tough to beat as it is because I have a wonderful life). It is that I didn't desire to use my gifts for the honor and exaltation of the Lord. It is that I could have used any "successes" as evidence for God's goodness.

But I know that God works everything out for good for HIS purposes. Perhaps I needed this regret to better serve him. Perhaps if I had been diligent in my studies before, it would have surmounted to pride and arrogance in my abilities and not in the boasting of God's mercy and love. Perhaps it would've taken me longer to realize the above-mentioned truths. But we can't live in the realm of "maybes." We can only move forward with the wisdom given and seek to glorify him in whatever we do from today, onward.

All this is to say: I'm going to grad school.
And! May God be glorified in it, and may I be made more humble and insignificant in light of his glory.

Thomas Aquinas

Below, is the short paper I wrote for my Critical Theory class on the theologian Thomas Aquinas and his work, Summa Theologica. I haven't posted anything in a while but I'm still writing! :)

In his Summa Theologica, Thomas Aquinas responds to the perpetuated school of thought that invalidates the use and necessity of metaphorical scripture in biblical texts. Aquinas supports the use of metaphorical language and argues that it is not only beneficial, but essential for readers of the bible to understand the metaphors to be properly equipped to grasp a bigger picture. Referring to Aristotle, Aquinas argues that metaphorical and symbolic representation is innate to human beings. It is because of understanding this natural state that Holy Writ makes use of metaphors. He says, “Poetry makes use of metaphors to produce a representation, for it is natural to man to be pleased with representations. But sacred doctrine makes use of metaphors as both necessary and useful,” (244). He also argues that such representations do not rob scripture of any glory nor does it humble it from its lofty position in the eyes of theologians. So long as godly-minded individuals are not focused on the metaphor itself, the admiration and appreciation of any revealed truths are given to God and serve only to further proper instruction to other students. He says, “…and its truth so far remains that it does not allow the minds of those to whom the revelation has been made, to rest in the metaphors, but raises them to the knowledge of truths; and through those to whom the revelation has been made others also may receive instruction in these matters,” (244). Aquinas makes his case for the validity of a metaphorical understanding of scripture. This, however, needs to be put into perspective with the rest of Holy Scripture, most of which is not written in symbols, similitudes, or metaphors, but rather in a literal tone. Though we’ve now come to an understanding that Aquinas wishes theologians not throw the metaphorical baby out with its bath water, (and he would probably be equipped with such metaphors), we need to come to understand what exactly it is that he treasures about the use of the figurative language and what he treasures about the literal. It is the weight of the literal that give rise to the need of the simplicity of the figurative.

As a theologian, Aquinas is committed to the study of biblical passages with hermeneutical intentions. When dedicated to the interpretation of an ancient text thought to be the written word of the creator of the universe, there has to be great discernment when coming across apparently allegorical or metaphorical passages. Aquinas presents his fourfold exegesis for the purpose of interpreting and explaining biblical texts. He considers that there are four categories by which all passages in the bible can be classified under. These four types are literal, allegorical, moral, and anagogical, all which he names as types of “senses.” And these four senses can be further classified into two. These two divisions are the “literal” and the “spiritual.” The allegorical, moral, and anagogical all fall under the classification of “spiritual.” In describing how to distinguish which passages fall into which category, Aquinas states that, “…so far as the things of the Old Law signify the things of the New Law, there is the allegorical sense; so far as the things done in Christ, or so far as the things which signify Christ,…there is the moral sense. But so far as they signify what relates to eternal glory, there is the anagogical sense,” (245). He states something very interesting that puts everything into perspective and helps the reader understand that these last three senses classified as the “spiritual,” is really only for the benefit of the fallen human being, incapable of achieving an understanding nearly as lofty as God. He says, “Since the literal sense is that which the author intends, and since the author of Holy Writ is God, Who by one act comprehends all things by His intellect, it is not unfitting, as Augustine says, if, even according to the literal sense, one word in Holy Writ should have several senses,” (245). The need to simplify the complexities of the capabilities and intentions of God is conceived only because, independent of these simplifications, we cannot understand God. All four of these categories are all one to God; and all are his intellect. Aquinas argues that God has no need to separate and organize his intentions to better understand them. He gave us the tools of logic and reason to do this for ourselves, because we do need it. And, being bound by imperfections and sins, when there is a question of whether to classify something as literal or spiritual, God provides similar passages throughout scripture to either support or discourage how we categorize it. Arguing that no truth can be lost because of the misclassification bound to happen of human error, Aquinas says, “Nevertheless, nothing of Holy Scripture perishes on account of this, since nothing necessary to faith is contained under the spiritual sense which is not elsewhere put forward by the Scripture in its literal sense,” (246).

To SD or not to SD...That is the question.

Today I learned I was admitted into UCSD. This was an interesting discovery considering I wasn't by UCLA or even UCSB (SB was a HUGE surprise). I had pretty much accepted that I was going to CSUN. (Which was fine, don't get me wrong). CSUN is a great blessing. They have a pretty decent English program and it's affordable, AND! it's across the street from our apartment. My hopes were set on UCLA with a second choice of UCSD but things have changed recently. Namely, marriage. And that is the underlying topic of this blog!

Going to UCSD would be amazing for me and my career plans. It would be a great opportunity. But there is something in my life that is a priority over the advancement of a career. To be a faithful and supportive wife is infinitely more important than attending a preferred university. My priority is my husband, not myself.

He is called to faithfully and lovingly lead me in our marriage. I love to submit to his role because he does it biblically. All his decisions are made with consideration to my desires, preferences, and objections. His leadership is not tyrannical but one defined by service, kindness, and understanding. Ultimately, the decision is his and his alone but because of his love for me (a love that is so deeply rooted in Christ), I know that whatever he decides is for our good. And I know that the Lord will bless my submission to him throughout our marriage.

Sergio still has another year at CSUN before he applies to graduate schools. The best thing that could happen is that he gets admitted to UCSD and I reapply (they do not allow admission deference) to UCSD and gain admittance again. Then it's off to San Diego for about two years if that happens. If we have to stay in Northridge, we know that it is the gracious sovereignty of our good Lord and that he has plans for us here, and though we may not know what they are, our hope and confidence is in the faithfulness of our Father to us as his children.

After all, in the end, graduating from CSUN is a far cry from a poor lot in life. We are so blessed as Americans. And as Americans, I think we find and take advantage of every opportunity to complain about something. (Myself, gravely included.... unfortunately). Working on it.

That's life right?
Working on it.